Just one last breath

chapter 1

Why?

That was the question wasn't it?
Why am I here? Why was he here?

I felt the pain in my back as I was bent over the very uncomfortable plastic chair, the smell of hospital mixed with salty tears.
I gathered all my strength to lift my head. After a small struggle, I sat up straight, trying to make sense of all that has happened, but it doesn't make any sense, how could it?

'Why' kept on playing through my mind

I wish I wasn't here, not here in the hospital particularly, but here in general, as in, I wish I wasn't in this situation
In fact, I wish I had never met him!
But how, how could I wish for that?
What we had was perfect

But this, this hurt, not a physical pain, no, this went much deeper, into the very depth of my soul, as if a knife, were to stab through my heart, but not stopping, as it would then start to twist, with each twist, go deeper, hurt me more

I never understood the saying 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger'
Sure, if you were to survive something horrid, then you would be 'stronger' in a way, but if you were to keep getting 'almost killed' yet not killed, then surly you would eventually die, as the pain would become unbearable, slowly consuming you.

Life?
What is life exactly
To have something good, only taken from you later?
To have a moment, In time, fell like the best thing that has ever happened to you, a memory to hold onto, to cherish...
But then soon, taken away, in a blink of an eye, a good memory, turned into something bad, something painful.
Life draining pain. How could one cherish that, how do you explain such joy, turning into such sadness.

I raised my sore eyes, feeling them scrape inside my eyelids, tears staining my once smooth cheeks.
A small machine stood next to his bed, as a faint beep constantly escaped it.
Bags hung in the air that then lead small tubes into his arms

We had only just arrived, yet, I feel like I have been here a life time

A tear escaped my eyes yet again, as if they were never stopping, forever ongoing, but I didn't want them to stop, I wanted them to carry on, to match my pain, my ongoing pain, stretching throughout my body

I traced my tear as it fell onto his jacket, which was once dry, but is now wet from all the tears, as if they were dominating the dryness of the jacket, turning it salty. First the jacket, then the world..
World dominating salty tears? I must be loosing it.

Pulling the jacket from out between my legs, I held it up to my face, smelling it deeply.
It smelled just like him, his sweet smell.
The very same smell I fell in love with, the smell I am still very in love with.
Love, I never understood the word. To love something?
But this, even tho it's unexplainable, this is love, what I feel for him, is love.

I wrapped his jacket around my shoulders, closing my eyes, imagining.
I could still feel his warm arms around me
Muscles, holding me tight to his warm chest

A faint smile crossed my dried face, as I remembered how it felt to be in his embrace

I was shot out of memory as the faint beep began to alarm.
Soon doctors from all sides started crowding around him, undoing the bags from the metal poles they were suspended from

They then started to push his bed into the hall way.
People from all over looked at me in concern, but I couldn't care less what other people think right now, all I could care about was him.

Soon, they became a nonexistent dot at the horsing of what seemed a never ending hallway

I wanted to scream, I wanted to plead until my lungs fell from my chest,
But nothing, not even a breath, would escape my dry lips.

I fell to the floor, holing his jacket to my teary eyes yet again

Why?...