That Should Be Me

 I think a lot of it is her smile.

The first time I saw it, I couldn't help but smile back. It's just so full of happiness and cheer. Sort of like Niall's laugh, only prettier. It's contagious.

And maybe some of it's her laugh.

It's bouncy, light. It reminds me vaguely of sunlight, golden and weightless and warm. But then again, her eyes are a big part of it too. They're like pools of chocolate, deep and rich and beautiful. I could and have gotten lost in them. They're beautiful, and I think a lot that I could spend my all day staring into them

. And I can't forget her hair.

Long, shoulder length. It curls ever so gently and frames her flawless face perfectly. It's glossy and soft to the touch - I can still remember clearly when my hand brushed it one day as we got into the car. It was like silk, like touching water.

Her gorgeous face...

Those adorable freckles that are scattered across her face, the way her cheeks become rounded when she smiles. Those pale pink lips that I want to kiss, all the time.

Her voice...

It's smooth and warm and soothing. It flows over to room like quicksilver, enthralling and alluring. I want to hear that voice every second of everyday.

The way she smells...

Vanilla, coffee, a hint of caramel. It's intoxicating and delicious. Whenever I smell it I can't help but sigh because it's beautiful. It's addictive.

Her personality...

She's so kind and friendly, so fun and loving. I can't keep the goofy grin off my face when I'm with her. Her presence is enough for me to smile forever.

She's utter perfection. She's the One, the love of my life. She's everything I've ever wanted in a girl and more.

She's Eleanor Calder. She's my best friend's girlfriend.

*

I used to not believe in love at first sight. It seemed ridicolous, unbelievable. How could you fall in love with someone you didn't even know? It wasn't plausible, logical.

I believe in it now.

The first time I layed eyes on her, it felt like everything clicked into place. Like I found who, where, what I supposed to be. Who I was supposed to be with. Her.

But see, no matter how much I love her, Louis is my best friend. I can't deny that their perfect together. She is like the female version of Louis, and their happy. I wish that was enough for me, I try to make it seem like it is, but honestly whenever I see them I think, that should be me.

It should be me that laughs at a joke she told, meets her eyes and softly kisses her before pulling her against him. It should be me, not Louis. But it doesn't matter, she loves him. She loves him and he loves her and as long as they're happy I'll be silent. My heart can break a million times over and I'll stay silent.

*

"What are we doing tonight?" Niall asks, unwrapping a candy bar. Where did that come from? It definitely wasn't there a minute ago...

"I don't know," I shrug. He shoots me a weird look. I always know what we're doing, I guess he's just surprised.

"Um... Maybe a movie night?" I suggest flatly, deciding I should at least try.

"Yeah!" Niall shouts excitedly, perking up. "I can get Zayn and Perrie and Harry and Lou and El!"

He notices my wince at her name and sends me a concerned look. "Are you okay?"