Loveless

Chapter 1

At first, I don't know what to expect when I know that I'm dying.

Actually, I did. As a Roman Catholic, I was raised to believe that there would be only three places where souls would go to: heaven, purgatory and hell. But then, there's a small part of me thinking what about some of the eastern ideas of life after death, reincarnation specifically.

And another more rational part of me, thinks that when you're dead, you're dead. There is nothing else left to happen to you except your carcass going to a funeral parlor, then moving it to your (oh I hope it was not open casket) wake and burying it during your funeral.

I didn't even have the chance to say goodbye and I-love-you's to my parents. Much less had a will testament that says where I want what little money I had in bank to go or who will receive my material possessions or the passwords to be given to my best friend to deactivate my accounts and delete the histories in my browsers.

It just happened.

Snap

And I was gone.

*

The last few moments of my life was a blur. Okay...fine. It was a huge chunk. I didn't know how it happened but all I know was that after an intense feeling of pain, the next thing I know I'm some place else.

My senses are useless here and even my sense of time is screwed.

Does a spirit have a brain anyways? But I'm thinking so I guess that counts for something, yeah?

Then I felt it.

The void where I'm in is contracting, suddenly pushing my being to who knows where. I didn't even had the time to revel that I can suddenly feel again.

I felt the last of the contraction of the walls. It was my head first then my body. If I can compare it with something, it's like I was being suctioned by a vacuum cleaner. Oh God. I'm not going to hell, am I?

I cried as I felt cold air hitting my skin while I felt a gigantic hand manhandling me. It didn't help that I remembered that Dante described hell as cold; so I kept crying and crying but the only thing I hear is this irritating wailing of an infant and it kept getting louder.

"It's a healthy baby girl!" It was only then that I finally heard the giant who's currently cleaning me that I put two on two together. I'm that wailing infant I'm hearing.

Did I just get reborn?

Most importantly, did I just come out of a vagina?

Oh God, what is wrong with me? Don't think about it. Stop thinking about it. Where's the mind bleach when I need it?

I mentally shook my head. With a clearer head, I remembered my mother from the past life, how she kept telling how she gave birth to me. I was a caesarian baby and what happened earlier is a regular delivery.

Unless this is a restart of my life in an alternate universe where my mother delivered me normally, then it's good. A chance to restart my life and somehow at least reach my forties this time around.

But no.

I ceased my wailing when I was passed to the arms of a man. I didn't even notice when I was wrapped in a blanket burrito. Who is this? This can't be my father. I remember my mother mentioning that she only had her sister with her when she gave birth to me. My father was out of the country.

Unless...

I just stopped thinking for a moment and let this unknown man cradle me in his arms and whispered sweet nothings to the woman at the operation table.

I let their lips kiss my forehead and a small part of my mind thought that this would have been a picture perfect moment if only the newborn baby is not me. But a real infant without a mentality of a twenty-one year old girl.

Unless, it's not a second chance.

I wanted to scream when they started introducing themselves to me. It's not the right voices. It's not the right names.

It was a big slap in the face when they named me.

Brooke Harley Howland.

Brooke.

All I can do was to cry.

*

It's a new dawn

It's a new day

It's a new life for me

[But I'm not feeling good]

*

*

*

Author's Notes:

So that's it for the first chapter. Sorry if it was a bit dark for a start. I promise that it will be lighter in the next chapters. I'm just currently enjoying writing this story.

The last line the one that was enclosed with the brackets are not actually part of the song's lyrics okay? Haha. Please vote and comment!

BTW the song in the background is "Feeling Good" by Avicii.