Going Off the Deep End #Wattys2015

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"We are all so much together, but we are all dying of loneliness"---Albert Schweitzer

~~~

The pool didn't look as threatening as it did last time. In fact, it looked inviting. The walls seemed to move, reflecting the water. Patches of light brightened up parts of the wall, while it masked the others in darkness.

Chewing my bottom lip, I eyed the pool. It was two weeks since I had last come up here. I felt guilty that I hadn't come sooner, but I also felt relief that I was there right then. Isn't that silly? I was thinking about the pool as if it were living.

Shaking my head, I jumped in like I did last time.

The icy water made me forget about my clashing thoughts. I watched in awe as bubbles rose up, like bubbles from a freshly-poured soda. I loved the feeling of the bubbles brushing against my skin, almost reassuring.

I thought about how Joanie had seemed so distant at school. A few days ago at the cafeteria, when Melissa and I had walked up to the table she was sitting in with a couple of other people who I vaguely recognized, Joanie had looked almost embarrassed about us. Like we weren't her friends since the first grade!

Joanie had sat there, holding a bottle of mineral water and avoiding our eyes when we said hi. The people in her table had taken one look at the both of us and had snickered, whispering quietly behind their hands. Everyone in that table had looked like they had stepped out of a magazine cover. I hated it.

I hadn't known how to react at Joanie's dismissal. I had simply gaped like a fish and stuttered at her like an idiot.

"W-What's up, J-Joanie? Wanna, um, eat w-with us?"

A few people started stuttering and giggling. They had mocked me and Joanie had looked at the linoleum table, tracing the cracks with a finger and stayed silent, only to quietly say, "I'm sorry, but no. Also, please don't call me Joanie. My name's Joan."

My eyes had widened in shock and my mouth had opened and shut, no sound coming out.

It was a nightmare. It was like my throat had clogged up and my brain had shut down. It wasn't like I couldn't hear all of a sudden because of the shock, like in the books. I could hear everything just fine.

I heard Melissa say in a cold voice I had never heard before, "Well, see you later, Joan." She grabbed hold of my arm and marched me to the furthest empty table from them.

She let go of my arm, once we reached the table and dropped her stuff on the chair next to her. I numbly sat on the chair opposite her, facing Joanie's table.

Mel looked carefully at me, as if I was going to burst into tears suddenly. I suppose she had a right to be cautious, my eyes were burning. I was acting like a baby, it wasn't like Joanie had told me to get lost to my face...

She had just implied it.

And somehow, that had made it worse.

Mel had taken a sip of her orange juice and sighed. "Well, it looks like our little Joanie's a bitch."

My eyes had snapped up to meet her still furious eyes. I couldn't believe that Mel had swore. I wished I had the confidence to just say whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted like she did.

But I couldn't, because I was a coward. A big fat coward.

The rest of the week wasn't much better. Joanie---I mean Joan seemed to avoid Mel and I. Nobody mentioned the cafeteria incident.

It wasn't like Melissa was always there for me. She hung out occasionally with her volleyball team friends. She looked a lot more happier with them, than with me.

My stomach felt heavy. I had to get new friends too. I just wished it were easier, you know? Like I could click my red heels together like Dorothy and have someone awesome in front of me, ready to be my friend.

I haven't told this to anyone yet. I know my dad, Samuel would just look blankly at me, not quite knowing what to say. My mom, Vivian would just purse her lips and tell me that friends are not to be trusted and that I should just focus on my studies.

Just hearing the word, "future" makes me want to pull my hair out in bunches. My parents say that I have potential, only I'm being lazy.

Sometimes, I just want to scream at them and throw things instead of just sitting there, willing myself not to cry when they pressure me about my studies and career path.

I'm fourteen! I don't know what I'm going to eat for lunch tomorrow, much less choose my future job!

I just wanted to be able to speak up. For once in my life. To fight for something I believed in.

But I can't.

And I won't.

Because fear is a powerful thing.

~~~

The hum of the swimming pool calms my frazzled nerves. It's like a lullaby. If I close my eyes, I can almost imagine someone playing me a soft piano melody in the murky depths of the water.

I think it would be sad song today. A song about lost friendships.

I would pretend that there was someone there. Someone who cared. Someone who knew what I felt. Someone who would assure me that I wasn't so alone.

My chest started feeling tight, I needed air.

I kicked up and broke the surface, gasping a bit.

The stopwatch read 1 minute and 3 seconds. Less than the first time.

I closed my eyes. Next time would be better.

I would make sure of it.

---

A/N

Yay! I updated!

It's heartbreaking writing in Liv's POV. She's the character I feel the most connection to, though, out of all the characters I have written about.

Any who...if you like what you're reading, go on and COMMENT, VOTE, FOLLOW, SHARE!

Feedback is appreciated :)

If you want to just chat because you had a shitty day like Liv, then feel free to just message me. I won't bite lol :D Hopefully, your shitty day will turn not so shitty :)

Just keep smiling, you amazing people :)

~G

**not edited**