Today, I saw the Tigers training again.
I often visit sa qpav lalo na kapag sure ako na may training sila.
Today, I saw him again.
Laging siya ang hinahanap ko tuwing may game, training or kahit normal day lang sa ust . I really like him. Not because of his looks...okay nung una kasi sa name and face ko pa lang siya kilala. I remember the first time I met him: It was 3pm and kakatapos lang ng last class ko for the day. Pumunta ako sa qpav to buy a ticket for the tigers' next game. After buying, napasilip ako sa basketball court when I saw na may nag-ttraining. When I took a peek, I saw that there were, indeed, people training inside and hindi lang basta 'people', yung tigers ang nag-ttraining. I spent my time watching them. Ang cute nga ni Sheriff eh, nag-ppractice ng free throws. I don't know why I found it cute haha :) I saw Kevin Ferrer shooting beyond the three point arc din (si Kevin talaga yung first crush ko sa mga tigers hihi) After watching, may nakilala akong dalawang babae na nanuod din ng training. Pare-pareho kaming freshmen and from AB. When we were sure na tapos na talaga ang training, isa-isa naming tinawag yung mga idol namin na gusto naming makasama sa picture. Nauna si Renzo kasi napadaan siya malapit samin. Hihi, cutie. After ng "pictorial with Renzo" was the moment I met him. Ang bait bait niya. Ang cute niya rin kasi para siyang nahihiya nung lumapit kami. After that, madalas na akong bumisita sa training nila. Nakakausap na namin siya kasi wala nang hiya hiya haha. If you want something, go get it nga naman diba? After my encounters with him, I found out na may gusto na pala ako sa kanya.
Today, nakapagpapicture ulit ako sa kanya.
He had his arms around me again, his hand on my shoulder, my arms around him din. Ang warm niya. Kung sa ganitong position pa lang warm na, what more kaya if he has his arms wrapped around me? Holding me, comforting me...
Hay, ang sakit mangarap.
Today, marami akong nakasama and nakilala na ibang fans niya.
Ang gaganda nila, naiinsecure ako.
Today, na-realize ko how different our worlds are.
Siya: Famous basketball player (siguro to those who watch uaap lang), pogi (syempre), maputi, well-off
Ako: Wala lang. Just an ordinary girl, panget (may ibang--mama--nagsasabi na maganda ako or cute(best friend, friends), di lang talaga ako naniniwala), maitim (pero sabi ng iba, ang OA ko daw. morena lang naman daw, hindi maitim).
Mababaw, I know.
Ang similarity lang namin ay pareho kaming mabait. Yun lang maipaglalaban ko. Mabait ako. Sobra sobra na nga daw ang pagiging mabait ko, sabi ng iba. Yun na nga rin naiisip ko. Sobrang bait ko sa iba tapos sarili ko, dinadown ko. Minsan nga nakakalimutan ko nang alagaan sarili ko sa sobrang pag care ko sa ibang tao.
Today, while observing him with his other fans, I realized na we can't always have what we want.
Friend ko ang isa sa mga fans niya. Maganda siya, mabait and mayaman. While looking at them, nalungkot ako. Siguro sila, may chance pa. Di ko alam kung paano ko nasabi. Basta. I just feel it. Siguro di niyo ako maintindihan pero ganun talaga ang life: magulo.
Kahit gaano man ako mag-effort para lang mapanuod ang games nila and para lang masuportahan sila, at the end of the day, hanggang fan lang talaga ako. Hindi niya malalaman ang mga sacrifices ko just to watch them play.
Today, I realized how cruel the world is.
Ayun nga, ang gaganda ng mga fans niya except sakin. Basta sobrang magkalayo ng mundo namin. Hanggang panaginip ko na lang ang him and me.
Sorry na kung sobrang insecure ko. I can't help it. Annoying kasi ng society ngayon, ang daming echos bago ka i-accept. How should I cut my hair ba or how long should I grow it just for you to accept me? How fair should my skin be just for you to accept me? How much money should I have just for you to accept me? What brands of clothing should I wear and have just for you to accept me? I know I shouldn't mind and care about what everyone thinks pero I really can't help it. No matter how hard I try to ignore them, I can't help but listen to them. I can't help how I long for acknowledgement, for acceptance, for appreciation, and most of all, for love. Hindi naman sa hindi ko to natatanggap ang mga yun because I do receive them from my friends and my family. May times lang talaga na bumibisita si insecurity. Clingy pa naman nun. Pag bumisita, kailangan nakapulupot siya sayo. Idagdag mo pa si doubt. Tangina nung dalawang yun eh. Mag best friends.
Today, I realized that no one can understand me better than myself.
Siguro kaya may times na di ko ma-feel ang acknowledgement, acceptance, and appreciation, kasi ako mismo, di ko ma-acknowledge, ma-accept at ma-appreciate ang sarili ko.
Today, I realized that I should love myself first before I love others.
I realized that if I loved myself first, I would not feel any negativity in my life. I realized na if I loved myself, I will see the world as a bright and happy place instead of a dark place whenever my head is filled with negative things.
This day made me realize a lot of things.
This day taught me that it's okay to love as long as you don't forget to love your self, too.
This day made me realize that unrequited feelings aren't always a bad thing.
Today, Kent Lao made me love my self and I think I liked him even more because of that.
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Huhu sorry, sabaw. Sabaw rin kasi utak ko while writing this. True story po ito. I decided to write this kasi gusto kong i-share sa inyo yung nararamdaman ko kasi baka nakakarelate kayo, diba? :) Sorry kung may times na conyo huhu, sorry sa mga mistake na nakita niyo and sorry din kung na-annoy kayo sa pagka-insecure ko. I can't help it :((
Hi kuya Kent! (If you're reading this hehe) You inspire me po. Kayong lahat ng tigers. It's just that ikaw yung crush ko kaya nakakalamang ka sa iba haha :)) Galingan niyo pong lahat sa mga susunod na games. I'll be praying for you and I'll keep supporting you. Go USTe!
Don't worry kung di kayo maka-score sa game kasi nakaka-score naman kayo sa puso ng mga Tomasino--lalo na sa mga Tomasina--sa bawat segundo (hi coach! hehe) ng paglalaro niyo :)
