Love to be Loved

Chapter 1 (The breakdown)

I am numb. I don't feel anything. I can't hear everything that they're saying. Para akong nasa isang madilim na bangin unti unting nahuhulog at wala nang lakas upang lumaban pa. I am broken, devastated, I am torn into pieces. And all i can do is to ask "why?".Eight years. Bakit? Ano bang kasalanan ko?

"Liza, please. please say something" I recognized the voice, it was my friend Cleo.No. I am scared, too damn scared to speak. I don't want them to see me cry. I am broken enough to be pitied for. Ayokong bumuka ang bibig ko 'coz i know the moment I speak, surely I will cry. I just look at Cleo didn't say anything but i am very sure that she could see the pain in my eyes.

"Let go liza' my brother held his hand and hug me. The moment I felt my brother's warm embrace I forgot everything and everyone. I burst out and cried my heart out.

"ssssh. I know how much pain you feel right now but be strong liz, you are stronger than this. Be strong"

"no. I can't kuya. alam mo yan! My life was perfect. I did nothing bad. I've been a good person pero bakit? All i did is to love!!! Masama ba yon kuya?" Halos hindi na ako makahinga sa kaiiyak.

"Just feel the pain now Liz. Hindi kita pipigilan na umiyak. Feel the pain 'til it hurts no more"

My life has been a dream life every girl could wish for. I have a great job. I don't need to stress out myself working hard 'coz I own a language school, I cook well, I can dance, I can sing tho not that good. I have a great family, good circle of friends, and an ideal boyfriend. Oh well not anymore. Eight years na kaming magkasintahan ni Greg and all those years I couldn't ask for more. He is a gentleman, he is always there for me. 2nd year college ng naging kami. He has been a part of my life for eight years. We all know each other too well .Damn! I even gave my self to him! Alam ko na hindi ako nagkulang. I respect his decisions and support him all the way. kahit wala na siyang oras sakin i tried to understand him 'coz i know he is doing it for our future well fuck him. After eight years pinagpalit nya lang ako sa isang prostitute. hell! nakakababa ng pride yun! Mas mabuti pang pinagpalit niya ako sa isang model. Now, i really don't know wehre to start. Sira na ang lahat. He proposed to me last month and on the night ng engagement namin dun ko nalaman na may iba na pala siya and he has still no plans to reveal it kahit isinampal ko na sa mukha niya ang litrato na magkasama silang pumasok sa isang mamahaling hotel sa Paris. He told me na nasa Paris siya for a business meeting. Business meeting with his whore!

Now here I am in my room, three days na di ako lumalabas ng kuwarto, I barely eat. Alam ko na nag wo-worry na sila Mom and Dad sakin and I know kung anong level ng frustrations ang nararamdaman ni kuya ngayon but I really need to be alone. I know that this is not the end of my life but I need to undergone this phase of recovering. I need to be alone and feel the pain. I need this kahit anong sakit ang nararamdaman ko ngayon gusto kong maramdaman. I never stopped myself from crying. I looked at myself in the mirror and I am not surprised to see another girl facing me .Wala ng buhay ang aking mga mata, halos nakalimutan ko na kung pano ngumiti. I am the joker of the group, ako ang pinakamadaldal sa aming grupo but now i really can't see myself cracking jokes or laugh. Para akong buhay na zombie.

Two weeks and I still do my daily routine. I'll curl up in my bed the whole day, eat a chunk of bread and cry. Hanggat sa dumating na rin ako sa puntong napagod na ako. I really need to get out of this room, of this house, of this place and of this country. and after three weeks of turning my phone off , i decided to open it. But still in my heart, there is still this little hope na tatawag siya o magtetext man lang saying sorry for what he had done. But to my dismay, wala. kahit isang text mula sa kanya wala, ni isang voice mail wala. All I received were text messages from my friends, and family. It reaaly stung my heart knowing na wala na. Wala na talaga. wala na ang eight years na pag-ibig ko, and I pour out my heart's grief in crying.