Athenia's Choice (ON HOLD)

Athenia's Choice: Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

I had made my choice: I was not going to let myself be bullied and tormented by my scheming Father. The next time Charles rode here, I hoped we would run away together for good. We could go to London, as it would be easy to find some lodgings and change our names. Perhaps we could even find work? I lay down on the stone floor uncomfortably with my tied hands aching, staring up at the ceiling.

Despite Charles’ promise to visit me soon, he did not come. I felt so desperate. There was a pain in my heart at the thought he had betrayed me. He had not come, he had not come! I cried and cried and cried and threw my fists everywhere, gulping horrific sobs.

How tedious those 72 hours were, lying thinking all sorts of things in that bleak, chilly tower room with only the countryside scenery outside my window for company.

Mariettia was permitted half an hour each day to see me, bringing me food and a chamber pot. My body went into a peaceful, tranquil trance as she brushed my hair slowly, slowly.  We both started crying when I couldn’t make a puppet show for her. I relentlessly begged Mariettia to untie me, but she always sucked her thumb and told me she wasn’t allowed.

On the fourth day of my confinement, Mama came instead of Mariettia. My heart started thumping, fear pounding up inside me. She locked the bland brown door from inside and knelt down with me, where I was sitting, enveloped in boredom.

“Why hasn’t Mariettia come?” I wondered, trying not to show my anxiety. I was a brave, strong, emotionless rebel now.

“Athenia, you may think she is small but she is quite clever. She told me all about your ‘Mr Beaumont’ and your plans to run away,” Mama informed me, studying my face intently for my reaction. For a moment, heated flames arose in me, as I was angry for my little sister to go blabbing to Mama!

"Does Father know?” I asked cautiously, noting the dark circles under Mama's eyes, how her red hair tumbled in careless tangles and her dress had no crinoline underneath, making it sag tightly around her and expose her thinness. She looked like the lost little girl from Italy she really was underneath.

“Luckily he is out on a hunt in the Aspen Woods,” Mama sniffed, and I breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

“Are you going to disown me?” I whispered darkly, fiddling with my skirts. There was a sharp intake of breath from Mama, and she stared up at the ceiling, wiping her forehead, her hand tracing all the way down to her cheekbone, shakily. Then, she placed her hand and traced my cheek, slowly.

“I don’t agree with your Father on the matter of disowning you. I merely think you’re going through a phase.” Mama said, eyes wide with regret. Good, she was regretting it now, and my heart almost splintered in two to represent the two different ways I felt about her.

“I think it is best you do run away, and then you may please yourself.” I must have looked absolutely stunned. Mama, strict, fussy, anxious, Mama, was giving me permission to run away? I blinked.

“Here, eat your meal,” Mama handed it out to me; thick, warm, vegetable soup. I felt such an idiot being fed by her.

"If you are going to run away you must do it tonight, even if your ‘Mr Beaumont’ doesn’t come. Your Father will be back at ten. I'm sorry I can't give you any money, you know how Father counts it all meticulously, ” she told me. I was so overwhelmed; I didn’t know where to look or how to respond.

Mama reached over to hug me tightly, smelling of strong perfume, but most importantly, my Mother. This could be the last time I ever saw her, in a purple jewelled dress and with her knotty red hair tumbling all over her shoulders. I so wished I could grip my hands around her tightly. I tried not to cry.

“Be brave, my darling Athenia,” she croaked hoarsely, backing out of the room. I looked out my smashed window as the skies turned to a purple haze of a sunset.

I couldn’t rest. I was so anxious. My heart was pounding. I waited and waited. Nevertheless, Charles didn’t come. I tried to ignore the feelings of betrayal and wash him out of the picture, soon beginning to realise that I wouldn’t be rescued again, I would have to rescue myself.

“Bother and blast,” I cursed, wiggling my aching hands. I hadn’t thought of that problem. I walked backwards towards the door, feeling for the handle, and turning it. Getting down the stairs was a different matter, so I slid down, even though it was un-ladylike! I staggered through the silent corridors like a drunkard.

I rested against Mariettia’ bedroom door, trying to control my breathing. I peered through the darkness that was creeping up on me. I fell backwards as the door suddenly flew open.

“Theeny,” Mariettia gasped, gawping at me, lying sprawled on her rug.

After helping me up and straightening my dress, my sister asked me how on holy high did I escape from the tower?

“It’s because I’m clever,” I grinned, but my sister looked at me dubiously.

“Where are you going then?”

“Going,” I echoed, “Oh Mariettia, I’m going forever!” There was a big lump in my throat as I said that and my face was creasing up so I didn’t cry. I had to be strong. I had cared for Mariettia a lot when she was little when Mama had been ill with a spot of childbed fever. It was then I knew I loved her so, so much because my heart was breaking. I leaned forward and kissed her cheek.

“So I’ll never ever ever ever see you again?” Mariettia sobbed, clutching onto my dress with her tiny hands. I didn’t want to upset her even more by saying 'probably not', so I tried to reassure her.

“Oh my little Marie, through the choices we make who knows where we could see each other again, hmm?” I tried to sound nonchalant.

“But I’m little, I’ll forget you,” Mariettia wailed, blinking her doll-like blue eyes. I asked her to fetch her locket. Mama had paid an expensive jeweller to fashion us girls glimmering gold lockets at our births. I instructed my sister to unclasp my locket, put it on her, and then tie her locket around my neck.

“There you are, we have each other’s lockets, so that way, we’ll never forget each other,” I murmured, the brightness of everything around me dwindling. How could I leave her? What if Father hurt her as well? I thought about taking her with me, but I knew it would break Mama’s heart for all her girls to be gone.

“Goodbye Theeny-Athenia,” Mariettia mumbled sadly, and I won’t ever forget that painful look inflicted upon her, that pierced straight through my heart.

With that, I backed out the room and stumbled out of Bodiam Castle. (I didn’t care about saying my goodbyes to snotty-nose Casper and weedy Oliver.) I stared at it for a few minutes, but I had made my choice. I walked down the stone gravel path, turning my back on the place that I no longer called my home.