Keep Love Around

Five

Two weeks after our camping trip, and Mikey and I's phone conversation, I was sat in my dorm doing homework, when Jules walked in the door.

"Any word?"

"No, Jules. Why do you keep asking me that? He told me he wanted to give me space, and he is."

"Yeah, right. He's hurting too. Maybe he's waiting for you to call him. Or maybe..."

"Don't finish that sentence, please. I know what you're gonna say."

"I was gonna say that he might've been kidnapped by aliens, thank you!"

"Oh sure." Sarcasm leaked from my mouth, and I rolled my eyes.

Truth is, I was kind of scared. Maybe he did miss me, but no one said that we couldn't do other things... See other people while we were figuring out what we wanted. But what would that do to me? It would break my heart. I wanted him. No one else.

But what did he want? At this point, I wasn't sure if the whole thing was my fault, or if he was giving me space. I tried my hardest to convince myself of the words I had said to Julian.

"So, what have you done for the last few hours?"

"Nothing much...This algebra is kicking my ass, but what else is new?"

Jules had gone out for groceries after he had finished the work of his own. Jules loved orange soda and oatmeal cream pies, something you couldn't get on campus, and so he made regular runs to the store to pick up snacks.

"Here, let me help." Julian grabbed my paper, quickly looking over it, then shook his head and put it in his hands.

"This is all wrong." He chuckled, "The exponent to this answer is wrong," he pointed at the first problem, then looked at me. "What am I gonna do with you?"

"Well, 'all wrong' is just like everything else, isn't it?"

"Nah, dude. I was kidding."

"I...I know you were. But Jules, I can't think straight. This is effecting my sleep, I'm barely in bed by four in the morning anymore, I'm not eating, When I'm not doing work, I'm out drinking. Something that I was pissed at Mikey about. And everything is because of him."

"Charlie, it's only been a week, you're overreacting."

"Maybe I am. But maybe he hates me. What if he does? What if he resents me for wanting him to do so much just to keep me around?"

"No. No. That's not how it happened. You know that. If that was the truth, he wouldn't have picked up your call. He definitely wouldn't miss you. You're being stupid. Don't worry so much."

"Oh, I'm stupid now?"

"That's not what I meant!"

"Then why'd you say it?"

"Because in this instance you're acting childish, and I can't help you if you don't want to be helped."

"Jules, what if I don't want help? What if I just want my boyfriend?"

"I get that. I really do. You're hurt. But listen, you can't hurt forever, not if I have anything to say about it. Come on. I'm taking you out."

"Fucking really? I just told you, I've been out too much. I don't want to."

"I'm not taking you to a bar, dumbass. You're already crying, what is beer going to do for you? We're seeing a movie."

"Oh, wonderful. Movies. Which will probably have a sideplot about how the hero gets the girl, and everything, and I'll be crying again by the end of the evening."