Ohh our dear beloved Earth. I wish I could tell you that this is still the same Earth we live in. But I've come to realized that you can't have Earth without people.
And there are no people here. Friends welcome to Zombieland.
It's amazing how things can go from "bad" to "total shit-storm". One day your chillin' with your friends and the next thing you know is they're tryin' to eat you.
You're probably wondering why am I still alive, when everyone around me had turned to meat?
That's because of my list of rules. Let me give you a little preview.
Rule #1: Cardio
Pretty self-explanatory. Umm... Do a lot of cardio. There'll be a time when you have to run for your life. Literally. So get in shape.
When the virus struck, for obvious reasons, the first one to go were the fatties. Zombies lead a very active life. So should you.
As the infection spread and the chaos grew... It wasn't enough just being fast on your feet. You have to get a gun and learn how to use it.
That leads us to rule #2: Double Tap.
In those moments when you're not sure that the 'undead' are really dead-ed, don't get off stingy with your bullets. I mean one more clean shot to the head.
There's no use saving for the next zombie when this one's about to... give you a season-ending injury.
Rule #3: Beware of bathrooms
It wasn't long before the zombies got smart. When you are at your most vulnerable, somehow they could just smell it.
Don't let them catch you with your pants down. Especially in public bathrooms.
Another rule is Rule #4: Seatbelts.
Look, I know you're in a rush but it only takes two seconds. Call me a goody-two-shoes, but if you're in this much of a hurry, chances are you're about to get wreck.
The pavement facial. Slightly worse than being a goody-two-shoes. Same ballpark. But slightly worse.
I may seem like an odd survivor with all my phobias and my "horrible past life", but I survived because I played it safe and followed the rules...
My rules.
So 'fasten your seatbelts'. It's going to be bumpy ride.
People, I give you Zombieland. A land that is made for you and me.
