feelings ::cashton

sixteen-

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"what happened to your hand, love?" luke asks referring to the bandage wrapped around calum's hand, "i punched a wall, no biggie." he says casually as he uses his opposite hand to retrieve his books.
   
  
"why'd you punch a wall, cal?" he quietly sighs, "i don't want to talk about it right now, lukey. but i'm fine, now anyways." luke leans over and kisses calum's cheek and places his hand through the boy's raven and blonde hair, "come on, i'll walk you to class beautiful."
   
  
calum smiles and entwines his hand with luke's and they walk to class.
  
   
+
    
  
ashton was at home, laying in his bed, looking up at the ceiling.
   
  
the boy knew he had fucked up big time, or even bigger. truth is, he cared about calum, it's just that he had very bad trust issues and didn't want to risk letting calum all the way in and he ends up leaving him for someone else, like luke. that was his biggest fear, and it was happening. he wanted to trust calum, possibly become more, it's just that he's so scared to eventually lose him, or hurt him. ashton was angry but he was hurting calum in more ways than one and he was probably going to lose him because of what he said. the boy didn't want to think like that, him and calum had their share of problems, but he knew he'd have to try extremely hard to get him back.
    
   
"why am i such a fuck-up? why can't i just let him in?" ashton roars loudly as he picks up multiple pillows, and even a large book and threw it at the wall, which made a big mark that he didn't quite care about.
   
   
"i don't want to lose you calum, i really don't. i'm s-sorry." he huffs into a pillow. the boy pulls out his phone from under his covers and finds calum's number and opens a new message.
   
   
ashton: i know you hate me, but please hear me out. i'm scared, i'm so scared to lose you, i'm scared to let you in and you end up leaving me. i care about you, so fucking much, a bit too much and that scares me, because honestly you deserve to be with someone like luke, not me. the stupid, fuck-up that can't seem to give you what you want or treat you like the princess i think you are, baby boy. i want you to be happy but it seems like i can't make you as happy as you should be. i'm sorry i get so scared to tell you how i feel, it's just that every time i've cared about someone, they leave and never come back and i don't want that to happen, i'll do anything to make you not angry at me because of my stupid shit attitude yesterday. i talked to your mother this morning, she told you havent really left your room. im hurting you and i'm so sorry.
   
   
ashton swallowed down the huge lump in his throat and he waited for calum to hopefully reply back.
      
  
+
  
"um, youre calum hood, right?" a red haired boy tapped calum's shoulder, "y-yes that's me."
   
  
"may i speak with you for a quick minute, please?" the feminine boy nods as he follows the fake red head down the hall.
   
  
"i want to talk to you about ashton-"
   
  
"why? no, i-" calum stutters, "please listen, he loves you, he does. yesterday he was in his room, crying and throwing things at the walls, he kept saying he was sorry and that he was a stupid fuck-up the boy was a pure mess and he told me that he loves you and he's afraid of losing you, calum i'm sure whatever he said really hurt you, but he wasn't the kind of boy that grew up with a loving family and he struggles to deal with his emotions. he gets jealous, he gets angry, it's just that he doesn't understand his emotions very well. but he does care about you, calum. please believe that."
   
  
then the red head leaves and calum feels his phone vibrate, the message was from ashton. he sighs and opens the message and sits down on a bench.