Watching the blood flow down my arm, I felt a sense of relief. I knew that I needed to stop, but the pain felt so good. Yes, my addiction was taboo; I just couldn’t stop. I had no choice but to continue. Something about the way my flesh tore open when it came in contact with the blade had me hooked.
I placed the thin razor blade to my skin again. Making another laceration, I watched as the thick, red blood streamed down my arm. I threw my head back in pleasure. Tears began to stream down my face. Whether they were from pleasure of from pain, I’ll never know.
Suddenly, my bathroom door swung open killing my high. I looked up to see Princeton’s face looking down at me with compassion and slight annoyance. He grabbed some towels from the cabinet and wet them. Then, he dropped down to my level on the cold, hard tile of the bathroom floor. Prince placed the wet towels where the cuts were. We didn’t speak. He just held my head in his chest while I cried.
We continued in our silence while he bandaged my open wounds. I saw a small tear come down his cheek. That broke me inside. I placed my index finger under his chin and forced him to look at my tear stained face. “I know I relapsed. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad at me. Just….. just love me and….and continue to be the friend that I need. And,..” I was cut off by his embrace.
We fell onto the floor in a heap. We sat there and cried. Prince clenched onto me tighter before saying, ” I love you. I only want what’s best for you. We’re going to get you help so you can get back on track. I’m in love with you, and I even want to spend my life with you; the cutting has got to stop.”
I looked deeply into Prince’s eyes. I could tell that he was being sincere. For once in my life, I felt loved. I felt that there was no longer a void that needed to be filled. I didn’t need to cut any more. Prince heard my desperate pleas for help. He was here for me all along. For that, I am forever grateful to him. And, I will always love him.
