The real me back then was free and unchained. I could go anywhere I wanted with no permission except from my parents. But now, I can't go anywhere. I'm trapped, no relatives, just stuffed animals to comfort me. I've been raped and beaten so many times I can't even count anymore.The men who raped me doesn't care if I'm a 10 year old boy, they do whatever they want with me, but in return I kill them. Of course the men doesn't know that. What do I do with the body? I don't know. My Master takes care of it all. I want wings. I want wings so I can fly far away from this place. But even if I had wings they would come after me. I had no escape whatsoever. Sounds like I'm in the same situation as that story of Cinderella doesn't it?
But my mom didn't die because of a sickness, she did suicide so she can finally get away from the guilt that over took her when she cheated on father. Father died because he couldn't forgive the fact that his wife did suicide. I didn't die yet though. I'm afraid of meeting the people who I killed in Hell. I have a queen-sized bed with all sorts of blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals. I hate the stuffed animals though, cause I know they have seen what men do to me and what I did to the men afterwords, I feel ashamed whenever I look at them. I treat them like family, like real people.
They're useless though. I can't use them to help me escape, I just use them to let out the sadness and frustration that I can't let out when I'm not alone. Yes I live in a big box. Weird isn't it? I don't have a real window but I have a painted one that has real curtains. My master made it for me because he knew I wanted to see what was outside waiting for me if I come out. I have a face that looks like a girls' and straight black hair that reaches to my feet, black eyes which to me looks like a endless pool of darkness.
When my master took me in, I was 5, he thought I was a girl but he found out I was a boy after he made me take a shower with him for the first and last time. My master does everything with me and for me. He brushes my hair, cuts my nails, washes my body and face, changes me into a navy colored suit. But I don't know why he dresses me though since I only stay in the box. I have a shelf filled with books. Master reads them to me all the time. Butler Finny takes care of me and asks if Master treats me right when Master goes out to do errands. I'm curious of what I can do outside. I'm curious of what will hurt me when I go outside. I'm curious.. if I will ever escape...
TO BE CONTINUED...
