Journey

Chapter 5

I woke up in the hospital with my ears ringing and my arm hurting like hell.
Although I was awake I didn't open my
eyes. I heard murmurs in the room but I couldn't make out any words so I sat there in silence listening to the faint conversation.
"Don't worry she will be fine she just broke her arm and she's in a deep sleep she'll be waking up soon," a manly voice stated.
"Ok thank you doc," another man voice said. Guessing the first manly voice was the doctor I was curious who the other person. I slowly open my eyes... And saw white... But once my eyes adjusted to the light... I saw him... My father. I haven't seen him in 11 years since he got arrested. It's been 11 years since he left my mom for the other woman. And it's been 11 years since he's called, wrote or communicated with me in any way. Funny, how when you get hurt, or when your dead even people just start listening. I was furious absolutely 100% angry. I felt like just screaming into the fricking pillow. Soon the rage took over and I started to feel my face burn.
"So tell me, please. Where the hell have you been?" I asked with a raspy, angry voice.
"I didn't have a choice to leave I'm sorry ok," he cried. "I know I haven't been around and in sorry I didn't talk to you. I didn't have a choice ok. I was forced to do whatever the hell this woman wanted. My mom and I were already getting a divorce before I met her." He took a breath and walked over to the side of my bed and sat down. "It's not my fault, it's hers she's the one who forced me to have a child with her and start over. But, she's cra-"
"Dad, it's never your fault! Nothing ever seems to be your fault, and everyone else who think otherwise... To you, they are crazy" I interrupted "ever wonder, why your sister decided to just not talk to you ever again or when we had that big block party you dad didn't want you to stay over? Your 47 years old now you should know how to take responsibility for your actions. Im sorry but, you need to just stop where you are in life and fix yourself and your relationship with your family before you come to your friends I'm sorry but you need to leave..." I took a breath holding back my tears. "I love you so much and that is why you need to leave"
"It was nice knowing you..." He said to me and left.
I didn't know what to feel at that moment. I didn't know what to do or what to say. I just sat there in that stupid bed with that stupid sentence playing over and over in my head. Soon, I came to a conclusion. It's not his fault, he didn't do anything wrong neither did that bitch (who's name shall not be spoken)... It's was all my fault. I wasn't even supposed to be living. Both my parents got drunk at a party and slept with each other. And they decided that they had to get married because of me. They were never in love... It was my fault that they went through everything that they went through. If I wasn't alive, nothing would have happened and my father wouldn't have gone to jail. If I wasn't alive, my dad would still have a family. But, if I wasn't alive my mother wouldn't be an abusive alcoholic who achieves nothing in her life. None of that, would happen if I didn't exist. But I do.. So therefore it was bound to happen everything. And that why everyone hates me. My existence is a problem and the thing is there is only one way to change that, but in my opinion I wanna prove to propel that I am strong even though I'm not. I will do anything just to try to move along with my life. You know why chase this is my fight to fight, and I do not choose to surrender... I will not surrender but I will get wounded along the way.. Blood will lay upon my wrists and thigh but that won't stop me from fighting for justice. Fighting to earn my existence here on this earth. And fight... I will today.