Like Autumn Leaves

Chapter 1

6:30 am. I hear my alarm clock beeping. I struggle to get myself out of my bed. Clearly, I did not have enough sleep...again. Or more like no sleep at all. These past few days, I haven't slept a bit. Maybe I could attempt to sleep and close my eyes for like about thirty minutes. And then I open them again. Insomnia? Probably. I don't know what's wrong with me. Depression? I could consider that. I look in the mirror. My eye bags are huge and way too dark. I wash up, dress up, and prepare for school. Putting on my make-up, I look closely in the mirror and realize how many pimples I have. Thank God for concealers. After I'm done putting all the make-up, I look at myself in the mirror one last time and say,"Why. Why do I have to be so ugly?" But there. I am now very confident about how I look. Or...maybe not. I hate my skin-how it's so dark and so ugly. I hate the way my arms are way too dry with so many scars. I hate my legs-how they're so huge and gross-looking. I hate my entire body, basically. But the problem is: people don't see that. People think they know me and my flaws. No, they don't. All they see is someone pretty-whose make up is perfect, whose face has no pimples. Make-up. It's all make-up. It's all damn fake. They see someone strong-I am not strong. I cry myself to sleep every night. I am not strong. I break down. I hold my tears. I am not strong. They see someone who has a perfect body-no. No. My stomach's always fat. My legs! Haha. Let's not talk about it. My body shape, no curves. Nothing. They see someone whose hair is perfect-No. My hair is ugly, trust me. See, I have so many flaws. But people already see me as the ideal perfect girl. I am not. And I never, ever, ever want them to see my flaws. I would lose everything. My mom calls me from downstairs. "Eleanor, baby, you need to be a little faster!"

My mom drops me off at school. As I open the entrance door to the school, she rolls down her window and calls out my name. "Hey, Eleanor!"
I turn back to look at her. "Yes?"
"I love you. Have fun!"
I nod.

When I go in, people stare at me. Some people wave at me, some smile, some say 'good morning', some just walk past and completely ignore my existence, and some stare at me from top to bottom with a mean look. Haters. School is hell for me. I mean school is hell for everyone, right? Especially when you get to high school. Anyway, school is practically a punishment to mankind.

I keep walking until I see my friends sitting in the corner, gathered in a circle and laughing. I tap one of them and they look up. "Oh hey, El," Bri says as she moves a little closer to the side, giving a small space for me. I sit down. Some of them look at me, then they ignore me and look away, continuing whatever they were doing a while ago. I guess that's what I hate about my friends. They're not so welcoming. Also, they have other groups of friends and I don't. Which is a struggle for me because then I won't have friends during dismissal time. Lastly, because whenever I have problems, they're never there for me. And if I tell them, they're going to be like, "Shut up, you're always filled with problems." So I guess I don't have any real friends here. But if I tell them that I don't like them, I'm going to have no friends at all.

A short while after I arrive, the bell rings. It's time for class. Everybody goes their separate ways. Soon, the once crowded and noisy hallway is empty. English is my first class. Only a few people are in the class, so it's easy to get a good seat. My English teacher, Ms. Adriana Kemet smiles at me. I smile back awkwardly. I sit down on my chair and settle as she then starts discussing.

I exit the room immediately when English is done, stuffing all my books in my bag. As I look around, walking through the hallway to find my friends, I make eye contact with Tyler. Soon after 0.5 (or less) seconds, I look away. Tyler Waine is actually my sort of, kind of boyfriend. He's been my classmate since the first grade. We only got together in the fifth grade. But the thing is, we only talk in social medias like Facebook and Twitter. Never in real life, even if we both want to. I don't know why. Probably it's the awkwardness? Yeah, surely.

Walking alone through the hallways and stairs makes me feel so lonely. Sometimes I just want to say to every person who passes by that "I have friends, okay!!" since they might be thinking that I'm a loner.

I find my friends in the cafeteria. Of course, they completely ignore me. I'm used to this. I grab a seat from the other table and drag it to the table where my friends are at, finding an empty space to fit my chair in.

"Dude! I swear. Algebra is the w-o-r-s-t," I hear Rae say. I see my friends nod in agreement.
"I know! Like we won't be using that shit in the future!" I say then laugh. Then they all look at me, nobody smiles or laughs, they just stare. Then I realize that I'm the only one laughing at my joke. I think that's what I hate about myself-I'm so awkward. I am literally the only one who thinks I'm funny. Way to go, me! But after a while, somebody else talks. Thank God you blessing from above. So the whole recess time, I did not attempt to make a single joke anymore.

After break, I head to my next class-History. When I enter the classroom, I see nobody. I pick a seat next to the window, and let myself rest on the table in front of me.
"Where is everyone?" I mutter. They're probably just late, I think.
And then the conversation between me and also me starts...
Me: Nope, you're the only one attending this class.
Also me: Many are attending, and many are late.
Me: What if everybody but you knew that History is cancelled.
Also me: History isn't cancelled, I'm just early.
Me: You're all alone here, there is probably a ghost.
Also me: Shut up, dummy, ghosts don't even exist.
Me: Skip it.
Me: No, you're a good girl. Wait and be patient.

Eventually, after I converse with myself, people start coming in and filling all the seats. They all come in groups, and sit next to each other. The group I hated the most were the cool-wait no. The "trying to be cool" kids. Of course, every school has a clique like that. And mostly everybody wants to be one of them. We all want to be one of them, don't we? We just can't admit that to ourselves. I have never been one of them. Ever. My attention turns to a voice shouting my name. I look around, but I can't see where the voice is coming from.
"Eleanor! Hey, Eleanor!" The voice was coming from Lexi. She is squashed in between two jocks. She puts her hands up and waves.
I manage to put up a smile and wave. She rushes to the empty seat beside me. Lexi is a fangirl. I am a fangirl. So you probably get it. We're sort of really close friends. Okay so Lexi is a fangirl, as I have said, but the problem is that everybody hates her. Not that hate where she's beautiful and she's had like 16 boyfriends. No. It's the type of hate where they think she's an attention seeker and she's too confident. But the truth is, I don't find her like that. I know her as the awesome geeky friend who knows all about Harry Potter and The Hunger Games or any other book out there, the girl whose family sucks, but she remains generous and amazing. What I hate is that she's the type of person everyone thinks of as "uncool". Even my family does. To be honest, I do too. That's why I'm trying to avoid her as much as possible. But she clearly doesn't see that. I'm not being plastic or anything, I'm just trying to let people know that I am not uncool. See, that's the thing with people. They judge even before they know the true side to a person.
"ELEANOOOOOOOOOR!" she gives me a big hug.
"Hey, Lex!" I say. "How've you been?" I move my chair about an inch away from hers.
"Oh, I'm grand. I finally bought the freaking book!" she giggles in excitement.
"Oh? What book?"
"Carry On! You know...Simon and Baz? Rainbow Ro-"
I cut her off. "Yes!!!! Oh my god, finally! I'd have to beg on the streets just so I could buy that. The only books I have of Rainbow are Eleanor and Park and Fangirl. Ugh. Lucky you!"
Her expression darkens a little bit. "Well you're welcome to borrow it when I'm done."
"That'd be great. Thanks."
She just grins then nods.
The teacher arrives ten minutes after the scheduled time. Ironically, he was the last person to get in the class. Sometimes, I feel sorry for Mr. Brown, our History teacher. He's always so kind, he doesn't get mad at all, so the result is that either: 1.) Nobody listens to him so they talk to their friends instead. Or 2.) Half of the class is sleeping. But of course, I'm that responsible-ish lazy good girl who listens along with Lexi.

So that's basically my life in a nutshell. But not to spoil the ending, all I have to say is that everything is going to be okay.

Or is it?