Finding My Way

Nick

Today was my first day of school. It was awful, as was expected. All day I was greeted by the intimidating stares of my new classmates. One girl even went out of her way just to make sure that she "accidentally" shoved me down the stairs. Then, there was lunch. When people read about the "new kids," it is always thought of as an exaggeration when they talk about the hardships of finding a seat at lunch. I, though, can personally vouch for those characters, and promise there is no over-emphasis. When I walked into the cafetorium, it really did become absolutely silent, so silent that the expression "you could hear a pin drop" actually applies. After I went through the line, I decided I would scan the room for a place to sit. At one table was a small group of girls. The one in the middle wore designer clothes and expensive makeup. She was pulling a small bowl of salad out of a Vera Bradley designer lunch bag. I knew it probably wouldn't end well, but I decided to try there first. Everybody had started talking again, until they realized what I was about to do. There were, "What does she think she's doing?" and, "Doesn't she know who that is?" coming from all across the room in whispers.

When I reached her table, all five girls looked up at me. There was silence for a while, and I was starting to feel extremely uncomfortable, completely aware of the fact that every single set of eyes in the room was just as anxious as I was to see what was going to happen next. Finally, the girl in the middle spoke up. "Um, can we help you?" She sounded very preppy, and very rude. I sort of expected her answer, and yet it still took me by surprise in a way. "Oh, uh," I started sweating. I've never been very good at talking to strangers. "Uh, what? Listen, if you are just gonna stand there and look dumb, then get lost. We have more important things to do than watch you stand there and stutter." This girl wasn't just rude, she was completely atrocious, and I decided right then and there that I wanted absolutely nothing to do with this spoiled brat. "Oh, no. Sorry to bother you. Enjoy your lunch." I know that it seemed cowardly for me to do this, but attempting to stand up to probably the most popular girl in my new school was not very high on my bucket list. The prep rolled her eyes, and then returned to her conversation. Slowly, everyone began talking again, and soon the only time people stared is when I came to ask them if I could sit in an empty seat beside them, which was usually followed by a dirty look or a "Sorry, this seat is occupied." I eventually gave up and seated myself in the hallway.

When lunch was over, I headed to my locker to gather my books for the final period. When I closed it and began to turn, I noticed a boy staring at me from across the hall. He had dark brown shaggy hair and midnight blue eyes. When I met his gaze, he ducked his head down and walked away. He probably wouldn't be caught dead within ten feet of me after that fiasco in lunch, and I really didn't blame him. The look he gave me though... It really seemed like he wanted to talk to me, but was frightened. Did he really want to come try to befriend me, or was I overreading his actions? I decided to forget about it when I realized I was late for class, but I couldn't quit thinking about the way he had looked at me, and I wondered if I was really going to be alone here. When I went to sleep that night, I dreamed for the first time since the night before my mother died, and for just a moment, I felt almost what you would call happy, but not quite.

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New Point of View: Nick

Yesterday we had a new girl. Normally, I wouldn't think much of her. With a high school my size, we get new kids all the time. This girl was different though. She had long, silky red hair that complemented her pale skin. Her best feature however, was her eyes. They were the color of seafoam, calm, yet pained. When I saw her, my body tensed and my mouth wouldn't moved. I was really considering walking up to her, but then she looked up and locked her eyes with mine. I knew I would not be able to speak if I approached her, so I ducked into the crowd and headed to class. I didn't pay any attention in class. I was angry with myself for being a coward, for not at least saying hi. She probably thought I was a freak now, and she probably wouldn't be caught dead hanging out with me. But, maybe not. Maybe she did want to talk to me, to see what I was like. I decided that today I would try to talk to her, to see if she felt like being my friend, or, well, you know. Today, I will approach her, I will befriend her to the best of my ability. This girl was not like any other. The feeling I had when I saw her...it was a feeling I could not explain. When I finally saw her at lunch, I gathered my nerve, and walked to where she was sitting.

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Violet

When I saw him coming towards me, I temporarily forgot how to breathe. My mind stopped. Maybe he's just passing by. It was clear though, that he was definitely coming to speak with me. That became clear once I saw the determined look in his eye. When he stopped at my table, he sort've just stood there awkwardly. Finally, he spoke up. "Um, hey. What's up." I gave him a blank stare, unsure of how to react. "Uh, do you mind if I sit here?" I nodded, and he sat. "So, how do you like it here?" "It's fine." I knew I couldn't say anything else without pouring out my life story, and besides, I would probably him frighten if I said anything else. "Oh, that's great." He started to look really nervous, like all of his words had left him. "So, how long have you been here?" I figured I owed him that. It was pretty obvious how hard he was trying to start a conversation, and I figured the least I could do was try to make him feel a little less awkward. His face lit up. "Oh, um, I've been coming here since my freshman year." "That's nice." More silence, more awkwardness. "So, um, do you have any friends here yet?" He was desperate for something to say, his eyes giving him away once again. "No." Now I felt bad, giving him such short answers, but I really didn't want to talk. I was relieved when the bell finally rang. "See ya." I started to walk away. "Wait! I didn't get your name." I didn't think it would hurt anything to tell him that. "My name is Violet. Violet Anderson." He grinned hugely. "That's nice, I'm Nick." Then I walked away, not taking a glance back.