The Secret Diary

1. Now I Just Sit In Silence

January 29th, 2008

I knew I was going to die, when I kicked the chair from underneath me. I knew someone was gonna find me and my diary. I knew I was going to die one day. I knew I was going to hell. Whats the point right? Why not just get it over with? That's what I did. 

When I was younger I thought my life was gonna be perfect, and I thought it was, till my mom had remarried. I was only 4 so I had thought that my step-dad was my actual dad. I called him Dad and he acted like he was my Dad.

Until one day, I was 10, and my mom had pulled me aside and said that my 'Dad' wasn't my Dad. I cried and cried and didn't even know why.

Soon enough I got a hold of my real dad. We talked on the phone and asked questions and seemed like everything was going to be okay, at least I thought everything was going to be okay.  One day I was waiting for him to call and nothing. My mom had said "Maybe he was busy, we will wait until tomorrow" I thought nothing of it of course, I was 10. I waited weeks and nothing. I cried myself to sleep every night not knowing why, so I blamed him for my pillows being tear stained and puffy red eyes every night. I blamed him for everything that happened in my life that went wrong.

People used to say the world is scary and I never knew why. I asked why they had said that, but they would just ignore me and walk away. Now at the age of 17 I know exactly what they meant. Its not even the people in it that makes it scary, it's ourselves.

-Unknown

"Damn, this girl had some problems" said the sheriff of Monmouth, Oregon.

"Yeah, she really needed help, but got nothing." Said the police officer. "Have you read some of her files? She was in a shrink for 8 years of her life. She came home never again the same."

"Why have you seen this and not me?"

"I don't know Sheriff, I though you would have since it's your case."

"No. Will you pull those up for me and have them on my desk by Monday officer Sisk?"

"Yes. Of course."