Sleep Well, Little Robin

characters

I see myself in characters on TV and maybe it's not healthy. I become them and I feel so personally hurt when things happen or don't go the way I want or other people don't like them. I feel like they don't like me, maybe they don't or they won't.
I can look at cartoons and point to one character and say "That's me, that's my identity and who I want to be". I think it's because I connect to their problems and because other people show sympathy towards them and not me, so connecting and identifying with or even as them, it makes me feel like people care about me.

I wanted to be everything and everyone. Wanted to have the love, sympathy, respect, protection that was given to the characters I could see myself in. I wanted to feel like I deserved it, maybe if I am them then I do.

There is credence being given to a complex character, that they can mess up and it's development or understandable. You don't get that when you're just a person. What can you do to feel loved? What can I do to justify that I deserve to be treated well?

I built walls of fiction to cover up my fears of rejection. I'm hiding behind curtains sewn by authors, animators, comics. I keep searching this media for the answers to who I am.

But I think it's because I want to have the same love given to a character that is never given to a person.

I don't deserve it, I'm real.