Misbehavin'- Only One on My Mind: Kavi Story

Chapter 7

A/N: What have I gotten myself into... these crazy kids...

Avi's POV:

I dreamt about her that night. When my thoughts finally let me rest, I dreamt about making love to Kirstie. The right way, the way I wish I had last night. What had I done? And why had I done it? Why was it such a good idea. Why couldn't I resist her? Even in our drunkenness, why did we go through with it.

Amber was right.

Amber.

I cheated on Amber. I wasn't in love with Amber anymore. I didn't always like her very much either. But I never, ever wanted to hurt her like this. She didn't deserve to be cheated on. How could I do that to her? What was wrong with me? How do I fix it now? I never called her back last night... I can't go back to her now. A part of me felt like everyday that I woke up beside her, that I was telling her a lie. Lying by staying in that relationship with her when everyday I could admit to myself that I no longer wanted to be. And now... Now I definitely can't go back to her... I let myself be careless and sloppy. It's time to be a man and clean up the mess I've made.

I opened my eyes as my alarm blared. I stared at the pillow beside me, suddenly aware that I was completely alone. I wished I was looking at Kirstie. I wish I could still feel her delicate skin against mine. I wish I could smell her hair and watch her sleep. I wish we had made love, and not sloppy, drunk, cheating sex. I wish I were holding her in my arms right now. I wish I could tell her how I feel. What would I say?

As I got up and headed for the shower, the image of her face played over and over in my mind. I can still hear her sobs. I can see the tears on her cheeks. I wish I could reach out and wipe them away. I wish I hadn't put them there. She broke down, in front of me. I took advantage of her. I put her in the middle of my shit. I ruined a friendship.

Amber was right.

I'm in love with her. I always have been. Why had I told myself I didn't need her? Why did I date Amber? I remember back to the song I wrote about her a few years back. She told me she loved it after I performed it one night. Something in me, in that song, just knew that I couldn't have her. I shouldn't have her. Why would she want me? Look what I've done to her. She would never want to be with me.

Kirstie's POV:

Press day. Two different interviews. Two different places, and then we're done. Let the countdown begin to when I may return to this bed. I sit up. My head is pounding, there's a prominent soreness between my legs, and my sinuses are congested. I remember suddenly that I cried myself to sleep last night.

I'm in the middle of a mess. A mess I don't completely understand. I have a feeling that what little I know about Avi and Amber is the tip of a very large iceberg. How did I get in the middle of this? What did I do wrong somewhere? I knew this would end badly. No matter what happens between Avi and anyone else, Avi and Kirstin are NOT meant to be together. I mean just look at the mess we made.

Sadness... pure, complete sadness, fills me as I see my reflection in the mirror. Not only was I guilty of a crime I wouldn't wish on anyone...not even Amber; but its apparent: Avi doesn't really want me. He never did. He said it himself the other day... He was "emotional" the night he kissed me. Last night he was frustrated... mixed with drunk... probably horny (he and his girlfriend aren't getting along), and I was there... And he used what I was willing to give up, which was everything. This is my own fault. If I'm upset about anything I can only blame myself. I knew who I was, knew who Avi was, and I did it all anyway.

I don't remember the last time I felt heartbreak like this. This is worse than when I found out Avi had a girlfriend. You're not meant to be Avi's girl. Grow up Kirstie. You're an adult, you're a working professional. You and your coworker have jobs to do today. You'll both have to do them.

I wish I wasn't mad at him. I wish he were holding me, right now.

Later that afternoon.

I was a Zombie today. I had to be. Sure I put on makeup, got dressed, answered questions, shook hands... but I had to do it all while standing next to Avi Kaplan. I figured it would be inappropriate to slap him then kiss him then cry in his arms... so instead I focused on sitting as perfectly still as I could. Only making eye contact with the person interviewing us. That plan seemed to work because before I knew it, we had finished. I could smell his cologne. I could feel a slight vibration in my head as his deep voice rumbled when he spoke. I sang a song loudly in my head to drown him out. I was doing alright until Esther casually asked, "You alright?". I thought for sure I was going to lose it! I nodded with a slight smile. She seemed to except that. I noticed Avi staring at me in the corner of my vision. I suddenly felt an Alanis-Morrisette-type rage where I had HOPED he felt my pain.

I finally made it back to my hotel room, letting out a breath I hadn't realized I had been holding in. I plopped back on the bad and let the tears fall. I didn't wipe them I just let them go...

I was startled awake by a knock at the door. I had fallen asleep... how long was I asleep for? I quickly kicked off my shoes and took off my coat, to make me seem more relaxed. Without thinking, I swung the door open, not prepared for who stood there. None other than, THE Avi Kaplan, in the flesh. His jaw clenched, his forehead wrinkled, his large eyes red and wet looking. We just looked at each other for a moment.

"Can I come in?"