Afterwards (Editing)

chapter nine

That night my brother showed up in my dream. I had escaped the thoughts of him for a period of time, which wasn't quite unusual. I don't have a one track mind. I was caught off my guard.

It wasn't the brother i remember, and it wasn't the one i had been introduced to on his first leave. I don't know where this brother came from.

I was a little scared at first, i mean he was in my apartment and i was so young when he died. I didn't live here, this place didn't exist, and i wanted to believe it was actually him but it felt out of place here.

We didn't talk for a really long time and for some reason i didn't go in to hug him when i first saw him. I just watched from afar. He didn't seem to even know i was there if it even was him. Then he turned around and he noticed me. his gray eyes locked with mine and it felt so real. We looked at eachother for a while. Then he walked over to me and grabbed me in a hug. I was frozen in place but somehow managed to make myself hug him back. I could've sworn it was real. We still didn't utter a word.

He grabbed my hands and whispered in my ear, "I miss you."

And that is when i woke up. It  was three a.m. and i was scared out of my mind. I couldn't go into my living room and that was where the phone was. I lay in my bed, alert. Waiting for something to rustle outside of my now locked door. Nothing happened. When the sun began to peek through the cracks of the curtains over my window i got up and cautiously opened my door.

No one was there.

I let out a huge sigh and tried to get on with my day like nothing had happened but my brother had stuck in my mind all day.

He looked the same. Same buzzed haircut, same blond hair, same gray eyes. He wasn't any different. He didn't say more than three words, but he was so different in ways i couldn't understand.

Dane noticed in our car ride. I always pick him up and drive him to the Shop and then later from the Shop to the diner. He could tell i was spooked by my white face. Unlike with Mrs. Kilder he didn't assume i was sick. He knew something was wrong.

My boss noticed to and told me to take a day off. I pleaded with her to let me stay but she shoved me out the door and told me to get some rest because the bags under my eyes could not be bigger.

I didn't cover a shift at the diner that night even thoug i wanted to keep busy. No one would let me because i looked so sick and tired. Dane even drove me home and borrowed Mrs. Kilder's car for the night.

I think that excited him because he doesn't get to drive. His family has one car and his father takes it to work with him. In the summer walking place to place isn't a problem unless your two places are on opposite sides of town. We aren't a huge town like New York but we are pretty big.

I tried not to sleep, well i couldn't sleep. I think i did doze off somewhere through the long night. I tried writing but my hands were shakey because my typewriter is in the living room. I don't do anything in my room other than sleep and the kitchen doesn't have a table so i had no other options than the living room. So i picked not writing.

I visited with Mrs. Kilder but she was fast asleep. I almost peeked in the envelope she is always grasping. It is slowly falling apart, that envelope. Partially from rubbing it so often, partially from it's age, and partially from the fact that it is disintegrating from the sweat from her hands. I don't though. At the last minute i put it back. It is adressed to her, i have no rights reading it.

And then i go back upstairs where i lie in my bed contemplating the last night.