Broulmates ♡ Ziall AU [COMPLETE]

TRECE (PART ONE)

A few months pass, and things are going really well for Zayn and Niall. They are insanely happy -- it almost makes no sense. It's like the honeymoon phase never ends.

They have their rocky days, of course. Days when Niall can't stand to be touched, days when Zayn's black moods separate them. Nothing is perfect, and they don't expect it to be. They just expect to love each other, and they do.

Then there's a shift.

Niall loves Zayn. He really does. What he doesn't love, though, is how hard it is for him sometimes. He is overflowing with the thought that Zayn deserves better. That Zayn would be happier with someone that is happy, and good. Someone who can love him without broken patches.

Normally, Niall gets over it within a few days, but Niall has been feeling this way for a few weeks now. Zayn tries to pull him out of it, but it's gotten so bad that he won't even let Zayn kiss him anymore.

"Baby, please," Zayn begs. "I love you so much. Tell me how to help you."

Niall doesn't, though. This has to be right. He distances himself from Zayn, coming up with bad excuses to have to be elsewhere. He doesn't answer Zayn's calls, or Harry's or Liam's, either. He sits in his car in random parking lots, playing soft indie music over the radio. His heart beats so hard -- doing this to Zayn scares him.

When he gets back to his house, Zayn is sitting on the porch. The pit in Niall's stomach tells him that this is going to be bad; this is going to hurt.

"I can't do it," Zayn says, before Niall can say anything. "I can't keep sitting around wondering if you're going to love me today. I love you, Niall, with everything that's in me, but it doesn't make sense for me to be invested in this relationship if you don't want to be with me." His eyes are watering, and Niall's own are brimming with tears. His chest hurts so bad. "Baby, we can work this out if you'll let me help you. I want this so bad." Zayn's voice cracks, and a sob bursts out of Niall. "Please, angel. Just say the word and we can work this out. Tell me you still want to be with me."

Niall ducks his head. He imagines that his lips are sewn shut; he can't say a word. Zayn will be free. He is so happy about this. He is so sad about this.

"Okay," Zayn says, so quietly. No answer is an answer of its own. "Okay." He is crying now; he stands, body shuddering. It hurts Niall's heart. He wants to say so much. He kisses Niall's forehead. This is the saddest goodbye either of them haven't experienced. "I'd do anything for you," Zayn tells Niall. "Nail my heart to the ceiling, put my fist through a wall. Even now." He lets out a shaky sigh, kisses Niall's forehead again. "Goodbye, Niall."

Niall doesn't cry until he's gone. He doesn't even make it into the house; he suddenly realizes Zayn is gone, and drops to his knees. The grass is wet under his knees, and he lays down on his side, still sobbing. Mud coats the side of his face, and he wants to drown in it. He wants it to swallow him whole. He wants to disappear, because he let go of the one person who loved him unconditionally. He lays there in the mud until morning. It becomes a part of him.

- - -

Day one without Zayn is hell.

Niall trudges through the halls, laying his head on his desk in every class. He doesn't actually learn anything.

Zayn is fine, of course. He's as beautiful as ever. He avoids eye contact with Niall at every opportunity, but he walks around the school with his arm over the shoulders of the new guy, Louis Tomlinson. It makes Niall's stomach twist and turn uncomfortably. He knows he wanted this for Zayn, someone new, and Louis certainly is that. He's bright and sassy, warm. Zayn laughs at nearly everything he says.

Niall eats lunch outside by himself. The air is clean, helps him a little. He couldn't bear to sit in the cafeteria, hearing Zayn laugh at Louis' jokes. His lungs constrict for a second, and then he exhales. He focuses on eating, because it's mindless. He tears the crust off his sandwich, and has momentary flashback to how Zayn would use cookie cutters to make his sandwiches into cute shapes. He can't stomach it for a minute.

"Aw, kid," a voice says, and Niall looks up. It's Liam, and Niall just bursts into tears. He can't help it. All of this loss is all his fault, and everything is ruined. He lost his best friends and someone who was probably the love of his life. "Niall, shit." Liam sits beside him, pulling Niall into his arms, rocking him back and forth. "Niall, he loves you. He loves you. You've got to stop doing this."

"He d-d-deserves b-better," Niall chokes out. He's crying so hard, he can barely inhale. All of his breathing is exhalation. "I-I w-want --"

"I know," Liam says softly. "Niall, you've gotta stop thinking you're the worst shit to ever shit. You're a good person. You are kind, and loving, and you want everyone to be happy, even if it makes you miserable. Look at me." Niall looks up. "You are not a bad person. Bad things have happened to you. Say it."

Panic flickers across his face. "I -- I can't --"

"Say it."

"I..." He swallows. "I am n-not a bad p-person..."

"And?"

"B-Bad things have h-happened to me." His voice shakes as he says it, but he manages.

Liam smiles. "Again."

"I am n-not a bad person. Bad th-things have happened t-to me."

Liam nods. "Good."

Niall leans his head against Liam's chest. "I do love him, Liam."

"I know you do, Ni. Everything is going to be all right."

"But Louis..." Niall is shaking. "Zayn likes Louis."

"Zayn loves you," Liam reminds him.

Niall tries to keep that in mind, despite everything.