A Quick Venture Into a Mind Unknown to Reality

Oh Haiiiii

Haiiiiii! Sorry guys, this isn't another way to kill people or more things to imagine up when you hear bumps at night. Just a rant. You don't have to read this, its not part of the story, you can go back to enjoying your yaoi if you like :3. Sooooo... The last two weeks have been something else! Something else is a bad thing.... Lets start with last Monday... Ok so I was sick and mad and just bleh. So I decided to write for therapy and the end result wasn't finished until that Thursday because I was sick beyond death. This was the authors note for said story:

"Ok guys, hi. So I'm mentally drained and I just got out the shower after crying for twenty minutes straight and I just neeeed to get this out some way so I'm just gonna do a rant then write my daydream, the second one. I'll rant a bit about my first one. One thing I wanna say before I start, if you wanna know my mental and emotional state and my mindset, read the stories I write cause they show it all. So this book has become something more than an actual book, its become serious therapy for me.

So, some background, (this is gonna be all over the place) my sister is after this guy (we'll call him Dick) who still loves this girl (we'll call her Eve) and at some point my sister and Dick started dating but then Eve broke up with her boyfriend and got Dick to dump my sister and go out with her then he switched between Eve and my sister like twice and now he's single, my sister is single and I don't know, nor do I give a fuck about if Eve is still even breathing. So my sister is still after Dick and Dick is just kinda leading her on and I just hate Dick and Eve at this point.

So my sister is just sitting here always so upset about this bull and I'm so passionately overprotective of my sister, you have no idea... So me, being the overprotective sister, I constantly try to make her feel better and help her with this and people are always telling me to stop cause I have my own ex problems and this just stresses me out overtime and I find myself crying on the floor but I refuse to let her do this on her own cause I rather me on the floor crying than her. I shit you not, I've only seen my sister cry about four to seven times in my 15 years of living.

So you should understand why I curled into a ball and cried my eyes out when I was in the shower and daydreamed her crying over fucking Dick. It broke my heart so damn much and I just couldn't handle myself I just broke down and cried for about twenty minutes. To add to this, NONE of my friends understand this (Not even this cute guy I like that is her friend.... </3) cause I'm the most overprotective person ever on top of the fact that I know my sister and I know how hard she loves and how fucking dumb Dick is for choosing that bitch, Eve, over my sister, the one person in the world who loves everyone so goddamn much and just ARGH! So I tried talking to people but no one understands and that's how my daydream mood went from "I can't stop crying" to this story so enjoy~~~

UPDATE- THIS HAPPENED ON MONDAY BUT I WAS SUPER SICK AND COULDN'T GET AROUND TO FINISHING THIS STORY CAUSE THE CUTE GUY AND ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS DIDN'T UNDERSTAND MY PROBLEM SO I JUST BROKE DOWN MORE AND CRIED FOR THE ENTIRE NIGHT BUT THE NEXT DAY I FELT BETTER AND NOW BEST FRIEND AND CUTE GUY ARE ON GOOD TERMS WITH ME SO YEA <3 ..... BUT I STILL HATE DICK -11/6"

Alright so afterwards I wrote a story but it felt too... Much. It was just too much and very dark, descriptive and absolutely depressing. So I decided not to publish it. But the whole thing was: we were at a dinner party, he said some shit to my sister so I told him to fuck off and he told me to mind my business so I got up, dragged him - chair and all - down to the ground and started choking him, telling him that if he fucks up, I have at least 700 torture methods to use on him before he dies with the amount of adrenaline I've got stashed away. Then I ran away half-crying cause I'm such a bad person and my sister loves him and I almost killed him and scared him to the point that he'd never date her. I felt so bad!

So yea! That was Monday! And thennnn... The entire week I was in a bad moodcause of this. Ex problems! Woo! So He was continuously hitting on me while dating a girl I considered a good friend of mine (she dumped him and now he's talking shit about her and I'm just consoling her) and this went on for like two to three months before I was like, "You know what? Fuck you, peace out, mother fucker," and I blocked him everywhere I could. Which was originally just my messenger but then he got my kik and I had to block him there too, then he followed me home and I ignored him so hard, He started telling and crying and throwing a tantrum so hard but I failed to care. He was such a liar, telling all my friends I'm a whore behind my back and then denying it whenever I confronted him about it. Asshat. And my romance life doesn't end there! Today marks the seventh love confession I've gotten in the passed two months, four I got within these two weeks, and I can't even give half of them my attention for more than about three hours before getting tired of their existence - but I sure as hell can love this really nice guy my sister went to school with - and I'm trying to focus on school so no guys for me. But Moreo is something else, he's just so perfect <3 he loooooves me and treats me like my opinion and emotions matter. Thinking of choosing him after I sort all this drama out...

Also, last Sunday (like the 1st of Nov or something) all the way to that Thursday, I was sick as shit and it made the whole Dick & Eve thing worse cause I was crying, I was fuming, and I was choking half to death on flem and a sore throat. It was just... Worst two weeks ever, end of discussion. I mean, three people made these last two weeks bearable, Mavie (obvi) Moreo (duh) aaaand... David! Cause he's the best therapist there is. Everyone else got on my nerve one way or another or 2+ ways.

Anyway, that's about it. That was all in the last two weeks, most of it, and I'm absolutely exhausted. I might just ignore everyone that displeases me this weekend. One more day and then I go anti-social pessimist. That was an Alessia Cara - Here reference so if you got it, I like you. :3

Night my kittens~!

Also, I cut my wrist, not on purpose, but it feels nice so I dig my nail in it to keep it open cause its just a nice feeling. Is that considered self-harm too? Just a question.

Song at top is Grieves - Bloody Poetry, something I was listening to on repeat while writing this.