My Biggest Fan

You Are Though

I sighed reading the tweets, updates, looking at the pictures, and watching the videos. Tonight something sparked a bad taste in my mouth as I yawned from the comfort of my apartment. It was another night of migraines, stuffed noses, and sleep deprivation. Work had taken its toll once again rendering me helpless and unable to attend something I should have been there for. He was so excited when he told me he was going to one of the two places he's dreamed of. 'Massey Hall' was calling his name along with TWRP's earlier this night.

I had slept from a strange timing of nine till about two AM, when my body decided to come back to life thinking I was well rested. Still being a bit groggy though, I sat up anyway to check out the 'press' on how he had done. So far it was a lot of support and happy fans getting their wishes granted as he posed with his charming smile. Brian as usual just did a signature glare meaning that he was even giving them a great moment as well.

It wasn't long before my phone went off beside me, telling me that Brian just sent out the big 'Thanks for Coming' speech in one-hundred and forty characters or less. I slumps down in posture not even realizing that my mind was taking a turn a little deeper in to a couple emotions I knew wasn't right at all to feel, but the fact that I couldn't be there again was really eating at me.

The first show, that was in LA I had been sick for. My sinus infection swooped in to make sure I wasn't able to do crap, and it was almost a call for kicking him out of my place due to wanting to stay 'just five more minutes' to take care of me. I remember faintly apologizing through the gross, snotty, haze that I was left in only to hear back a small chuckle and a 'stop it, I know you're there in spirit.' It made me feel no better to hear it again when I had called him to inform him work killed me as well as my health making sure to turn that knife just a little more.

He had responded with a few 'awwws', and a sincere 'I'm taking you with me next time either way.' He was slowly making it a goal to at least have me in the same vicinity for nights he got to live out his dream. Not that I was ungrateful for the offer, but it was a matter of time before my support would seem faint compared to those whom made efforts far greater than I had. It was almost flaring up some rare insecurity in me that I wasn't worthy of his personal time, if I couldn't be there during his treasured moments.

My lovely ringtone that I forgot I had turned up incase of work needing to contact me, pulled me out of my head and also allowed me to touch my ceiling. After fending off the heart attack, I answered to hear a familiar chipper voice on the other end.

"Hey you! How ya feelin'?" Dan asked curious about my uneventful, yet torturous evening. Even spent asleep coincidentally the hours almost exactly for the show, I still was left feeling like it wouldn't had mattered if I had fought to stay up.

"Um, well, I feel like I haven't slept, but got a chance to look at all the support you guys had tonight." I tried to keep myself casual. I was scrolling though still as he gushed about it. I knew it would give him the window he needed to tell me all about it without me having to outright and ask.

"Oh man! It was totally fuckin' amazing! I wish you didn't feel like shit and could've been there! The acoustics were just as I imagined, the crowd was fantastic, was super-hyped! I think we got a chance to talk to most of who came as well. My god I'm so flattered by all the nice people that came out, hun. Seriously, it was a night to remember!" Dan let it fly. He was so wrapped up in his moment that it was almost putting a smile on my face. Though the last part of it being 'a night to remember' selfishly stuck in my head that I had missed it truly. Even if he was sharing the experience knowing I couldn't have been there, I couldn't stop myself from feeling worse and almost escaping into my head barely hearing passed my pity party I was beginning to throw.

"Okay, did I lose ya? Hellooo?" Dan was calling me back to Earth and I felt myself physically shake my head before pressing my palm to it as I answered him.