End of Daze

/two/

"Please!" I pleaded, "please answer me? Can anybody hear me?"

I'm alone and scared. The last thing I remember was the taste of the decadent chocolate cake my sister had made with the icing scraped off. The crackling noises of the fireside as little sparks flew about like fireworks against the dark coal. The smell of cigarette smoke and the attempted drowning of it with mouthwash as my mother walked into the living room. The confusion on my face as I saw the tears in her usually bright green eyes. This was when I realized for the first time how dark the bags under her eyes were; how broken down she was. She sat down on the couch and I remember how hard I cried after she told my sister and I that -

"PLEASE?"

I'm completely surrounded by black. I can see absolutely nothing in front of me, but when I try to stand up something doesn't feel right. It's like my legs don't work; like my body is too large for me to carry. It is too large. I'm probably a great 6"2 now and when I feel my chest, I know for sure that I'm not 8 years old either. My head hurts, my hands hurt, my butt hurts. I just hurt in general. My heart still feels the wrenching pain from what I thought was supposedly yesterday; I'm already reevaluating that one. But right now I need to find a way to get up.

I feel the ground around me: smooth and relatively cold. Not what I was expecting. With a few difficult tries I am able to haul myself up onto my wobbling legs and somehow stay there. Great. What next? I look around me but I am blinded by this consuming darkness. I feel incredibly vulnerable. But the only way is forward right? So I walk.

I'm walking in complete darkness with absolutely no light to guide me and all I can rely on is my own power and determination to move me forward. I'm not going to let myself down on this one. I know I can do it. I carry on walking until a sound pushes me to an abrupt stop. Like that of a twig snapping, except, it felt it was coming from directly behind me. My first instinct is to run, so that's what I do. I run and run and run, making a few, what I'm guessing would be turns, along the way, but the sound of the twigs carries on following me. I pick up speed until all of a sudden I'm falling. Into a deep hole that I couldn't have possibly seen in the darkness. I've always wanted to be able to jump from a cliff, but the only thing I wish I could do right now is scream. I want to scream from the top of my lungs, I want to let it all go and just project my fear out, but when I open my mouth there is no noise. All there is is a bright blinding light. The hole is nominee black but a blinding white and it's all being projected from my mouth. Wow.

I don't know when I reached the end of that ditch, but when I did I couldn't close my mouth. The wonderment and awe of the beautiful place that surrounded me was breathtaking. I was engulfed by wisps of colors ranging from pinks to many different shades of blue. Wherever there was no color there was light. Looking up into the sky of shades and obscurities, I felt like I was reading a book written in a language incoherent, yet comprehensible. I was in love and intrigued.

My past was painted all over in shades of blues, greens and reds. I could see my myself in my first year of school with my brand new backpack, me attending my sister's first play and my mom and I sitting under the tree with her attending to my questions. All of a sudden the colors aren't bright anymore. I'm surrounded by shades of grey a and blacks. My mom crying consistently every evening. The heart-wrenching scent coming from her. The pain.

I start to cry. I'm sobbing trying to take in all of this when I see him.

In the blood boiling color of red and the smoke rising and mixing in with his own body. My dad. With a knife in one hand and a whip in the other.

Now I know what happened.