I've just woken up, I pull the charger out of my phone and its lights up. It's 8:55am. I have two new messages.
From Ash:
Come home, we can try get past this
From T:
I'm only doing this if I know I can rely on you. Don't wait till I'm about to drop and then change your mind ...
I sigh and lock my phone. I'm gonna have to choose, T or Ashley. I decide to get up and ready. I have a quick shower and throw a tracksuit on before leaving the my old flat. I make my way to Tulisa's. I'm stood at the door knocking for a good few minutes before she answers. When she eventually does come to the door, she looks so ill. Her hairs in a high bun and shes still wearing her pjs, her face is chalk white and her eyes are red. "T, you look.." I get out. "Yes Fazer I know." She snaps. I walk past her into the living room and sit down. She walks in a few minutes later, she wraps her dressing gown around her waste tightly and sits down. "So your keeping the baby?" I ask. "I need your word that you wont leave us, because I can't do it on my own." She says starting to cry. I shuffle over and put my arms around her. "I promise ok." I say and she nods while snuggling into my chest. A few minutes later she pulls back and I begin to talk. "Ashley told me to go home and we could work things out." I say. "Well go then Fazer!" She shouts standing up. "No T, I'm not going back to her, I was just saying.." I say. She runs out the living room, I go after her to see where she's going. I find her in the bathroom being sick down the toilet. I sit at the back of her and rub her back. "I feel so ill." She says. "Look you go to bed and I'll go make you a cup of tea." I suggest and she nods agreeing with me. I help her up and she goes into her room while I go downstairs. "Fazer?" She shouts. "Yeah?" I ask. "Will you bring me the packet of rich tea biscuits?" She asks. "Ok." I reply carrying on going downstairs. I make the tea and grab the biscuits before making my way back upstairs. When I go in the room shes dozing off. "T?" I whisper and her eyes flicker open. She sits up as I put the tea on her bedside cabinet. "T, I need to go somewhere darling. Is it ok to come back over when I'm done?" I ask and she nods her head. "I'll lock the door and put the key through the letter box." I say. "Just take the key, I have spares if I want out." She replies and I smile. As I'm walking out the room she calls my name. "Fazer?" She says, I turn around. "Thanks." She adds. I smile and keep walking. I lock the door, get in my car and make my way to Ashleys. Once I get there I go in. She's sitting on the couch holding a baby's blanket, the blanket she bought for the baby. "Ash?" I ask and she starts to sob. I go over and hug her. She tries to kiss me and I pull back. "I don't want this." I say and she frowns. "You need to know that I'll always be here for you, as a friend." I add. "But its ok, I forgive you. We'll get through it." She says and I shake my head. "Our relationship went pair shaped a long time ago. Its not fixable." I say and she nods. "I also want to tell you something before you find out from someone else. You shouldn't have to hear this after what you've been through but..." I say. "Just tell me Fazer." She demands. "Ts pregnant." I whisper and her eyes fill. She smiles weakly trying to pretend shes not bothered. "Congratulations." She says wiping a tear from her face. "Ash." I say. "Just go please fazer." She whispers. I nod and leave. Tears slowly fall from my eyes. Although I don't love Ashley in that way anymore I know I've hurt her deeply and I can never forgive myself for that. But right now I've got to focus on Tulisa and my unborn baby. I stop of at mcdonalds on the way back to Ts. I get to big mac meals then drive to Tulisas. I let myself in with the key she gave me. She's fast asleep, I sit down just thinking about everything. Tulisa must be around 3 month pregnant as that's when we, you know... A while later I hear light footsteps coming down the stairs. Tulisa then walks in the living room and smiles. "Have a good sleep?" I ask and she nods. "I feel much better." She replies. "That's good. I got you a mcdonalds." I say. "Thanks, I'll heat it up later." She says and I nod. She sits down at the other end of the sofa. "Do you mind if I stay for a while?" I ask. "Of course not, why don't you put a movie on?" She asks. I smile and go choose a movie. I put nottinghill on as I know that's Ts favourite. Half way through the movie, it's almost 12pm, I get a text.
From Ash:
You were totally right earlier about our relationship being done. I'm going away for a while, to Australia to see my dad. You can collect your things from the house whenever, no rush. Congratulations again on the baby, I know you'll make a great daddy. Take care. Ash x
My heart sinks reading it because all of this is my fault. I take a minute before replying.
To Ash:
Ok, I hope getting away for a while helps. Thanks, I know I don't deserve your blessings. Look after yourself. Fazer x
I look over at T who's fell asleep and smile.
