Hold Onto Me (Koli/Kellic) (EDITING)

Chapter 15

THURSDAY

For a while, everything is perfect, and by for a while, I mean for the rest of Tuesday and Wednesday.

Now it's Thursday.

The clock on my nightstand flashes with the time 5:08 PM.

The sky is dark, and gloomy outside.

It started to snow only an hour ago. It's dark, and beautiful. I love the snow.

Oliver and I lay on my bed. My head rests on his chest, my body curled into his, while his fingers card through my hair in gentle movements that make me start to doze off.

I love this. I love the cuddling, the laying next to each other, peaceful. Happy, and content to do nothing but be in one another's presence.

But most of all, I love the cuddling.

Oliver and I...we're not dating. At least, not yet. I don't know what we are. We're more than friends but we're not lovers.

He hasn't asked me to be his boyfriend, and I haven't asked him. As of now, we're just two people in love.

We kiss, we hold hands, we cuddle and hug, and we say I love you. We do everything couples do, but we aren't one.

I don't mind.

I mean, maybe a little. Sure, I'd like that, the confirmation, being able to say Oliver is my boyfriend. For some reason even though I know he loves me, I still don't have the courage to ask him out officially.

But it's not all that big of a deal. After all, even though we're not official, I know that Oliver is mine, only mine, and I am his.

School was frustrating today.

Random people kept staring at us when we were acting all cuddly. Quite a few approached us and asked if we were gay. I am, but it stills bothers me that people think they can just assume/ask that.

They were also asking about the whole Vic and I kissing incident on Monday. I ignored them. That was a mistake.

It's none of their business really. I mean, they have a right to be curious, but you don't see me going up to a boy and girl who seem couple like and asking them if they're straight.

I don't see why it matters what we are.

In all honesty, I don't know what Oliver is. I haven't asked him. It's nice to know, yeah, but it's not important. He loves me, and that's enough.

Unfortunately, Vic barely talked to me today.

It made me feel bad that he was ignoring me, but I can't blame him or be mad at him. I did a shitty thing to him, there's no denying that, and if he needs to distance himself from me, then that's okay. He has to do what's best for him.

I wish he wouldn't ignore me completely, but I understand how he feels, or at least I get the jist of it, considering I was in unrequited love with him for nearly four years.

That's not to say I don't miss him, because I do. I just got him back, and now it's like I'm losing him all over again.

It's hard, but I'll be okay. Maybe one day we'll be how we used to be.

It might take a while, but I'd wait forever for him.

Since Oliver and I have become whatever we are, things have been close to perfect. I am happy, or as close to happy as I can get.

I'm still cutting, but Oliver doesn't need to know about that. I promised myself I would stop long ago, but I can't. I'm beginning to think I have a problem.