Lunatic «Justin Bieber»

Chpt. 5

Justin Bieber

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. So stupid.

Oh, looks like your girls pissed at you, Jay, my boy.

"Shut up, Jason. This is your fault." I hissed angrily, hot, frustrated tears beginning to stick and prick at the back of my eyes. Growling lowly, I squeezed my eyes shut, I gave my head a rough shake in hopes of clearing the tears from my eyes. To say the least, it wasn't that helpful. One little one escaped, although I was quick to wipe it away. "And she's not my girl." She'd never even consider being with someone like me. A freak. That's all I am and all I'll ever be. A no good, worthless freak. Not even human. A hideous monster.

But I had to find her. I had to apologize. I feel horrible even though I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what Jason said or did to her even if I've only known her for a few hours. I still need to fix it. She's the first more sane person to ever even give me the time of day, and I'm not willing to let her go that easily. I don't want to be alone anymore. God, I hate being alone. And I've had to bear through that terrible feeling for years. Too many years. I want it to change. But I don't know how. All that I do know is that I absolutely cannot do it by myself. That would be impossible. Even with Derek and Jason always messing with my already messed up head, I feel this sense of... how should I put it... abandonment.

Yes, abandonment.

And it sucks.

God, it's terrible.

It feels as if someone is constantly and relentlessly ripping at my soul, tearing away at it slowly, and in the most agonizingly painful way possible. Black blood oozes from each little nick and cut as the knife like claws of the devil dig in deeper, penetrating my soul, all the while slowly darkening it with each passing minute. And there's no way to allow the light innocence to return once satan has found its victim and tainted it. And I am far beyond tainted at this point. No turning back now. Might as well pour more gasoline onto the flame, it's already flared up and burned away at my insides.

Sweet little hurricane.

I'm a hurricane alright. All I seem to do is destroy things. Torn apart at the seams, damn near falling to pieces. And it seems as if every time I come by, people run and hide, in hopes of finding shelter before it's too late. And, well, it's just too late for me. A hurricane has already ripped through me and destroyed everything I've ever known. Yet, here I am, Still a ticking time bomb, ready to explode at the lightest touch.

God damn my life sucks. Yet I'm too much of a coward to end it. Believe me, the majority of the time, I want to, but I just can't do it. I can't. I can't. I can't. I fucking can't.

Swallowing down a large lump that had managed to form in my throat, I began walking. A few minutes passed and it felt as if I was going nowhere. With each step, it still felt as if I was stuck in place. The urge to break down in tears shot through me, and I knew both Jason and Derek were becoming frustrated and upset. By what, I'm not sure. Derek probably felt horrible for angering Braylon, whereas Jason was probably angry at me for being the one to apologize to her. He predictably thinks that she should be the one apologizing to me, well, us. Or maybe, just him?

I silently scolded him and told him to shut the hell up and to stop being such a dick was, which fortunately worked. His anger was no longer present in my mind. Derek seemed to have relaxed, too, knowing that we were going to find her and make things better. A shadow of a smile founds its way to my face as my previously tense body relaxed slightly, the tension in my mind being eased causing my muscles to also relax.