Anthem of The Outcast

Woe Is Me

Okay, so I've had just an awful day, and I want to rant about it. It might be amusing to some of you though. I'll try to make it as interesting as possible. 

TOPIC: NONE (Journal)

This all took place on Friday. The day before, Thursday, was just the beginning. My day had actually been going great. I was spending time with my family, happily playing video games with my dad and brother. My mom then took me out to go get a refill of my perscription and we went to get milkshakes after. Apparently, she had wanted to talk to me about something 'serious'.

We were parked in an empty lot, for my mom didnt want to get distracted. It took her fifteen minutes of stalling before she could get to the point. 

About a month ago, I had auditioned for a very prestigious art school for over the summer. I had spent all year preparing my paintings and drawings. I practiced my interview with my dad and wrote a five page essay on why art was so important to me and why I wanted to be a part of the school. At the audition, there was about fourty people auditioning for my section (there are many different sections of art there. Drama, writing, visual arts, instruments, vocals, etc). Ages ranged from eleven to seventeen were trying out as well. After my audition, I was informed that I would be sent a letter in about a month telling me whether or not I had gotten in. 

For the past three weeks I've been looking in the mailbox everday, waiting for the letter to arrive. 

Apparently, my mom had gotten the letter weeks earlier, and hadnt told me about it. Why? Because I didnt get in. I was soon in tears. 

Most people will wonder why I was so upset. They dont understand. Art is the one thing I'm actually good at. Art helped me when I was feeling suicidal, so to me, art is my lifeline. Without it, I would surely be dead already. So finding out I didnt get into the art school was like a slap to the face. I felt like that meant I was no good, and that I was wasting my time. Not only was I incredibly depressed because of that, but my mother had kept it from me for weeks. I could've been over this pain by now if she had just told me. 

So there I was, silently crying while my mother said nonsense about how I shouldnt let this ruin my progress with my depression. I didnt listen, and begged her to just take me home so I could sleep. 

The next day, I went to school, even though I just wanted to lie in bed some more. I should've known that staying in bed was the better choice. 

When I got to school and opened the door to go inside, it shut hard on the person behind me because of the strong wind. The girl began to curse at me, yelling about how I was just a snobby bitch for not holding open the door. She went on for five minutes before I got fed up and just walked away silently. 

I went to my locker where one of my best friends was waiting. She immediatly noticed I wasnt myself and asked me what was wrong. And everyone knows that when someone asks you whats wrong, all you want to do is cry. So thats what I did. In the middle of the hallway. People stared at me and a few giggled at my misery. Its whatever. 

I proceeded to go to homeroom, telling my friend I was fine. In homeroom, I realized that my binder with all my homework had been left at home, meaning I would be getting a lecture from all my teachers today. 

After first period, I went to 3D design (where you sculpt and make pottery). Our final was to make a Tim Burton inspired sculpture. I had already started last class and was going to have to finish today. 

I had all the seperates together, and put them all together to form the sculpture completely. It looked like utter shit. I'm not even exaggerating. It was horrible. It wasnt proportioned right at all and I ended up just taking it apart and throwing it away. 

This just made me feel like a failure at art, the one thing I thought I was good at. 

Next class was a free period where everyone had to been in a classroom or they would get detention. If you werent assigned to a classroom, you went to the library or the gym. I hate the gym and the library was closed for inventory. 

So I did the most pathetic thing possible. 

I actually went into the bathroom and stayed in one of the stalls. 

But wait, it gets more pitiful. 

Before I continue, I just want to say that by no means am I racist or think that all african americans act thing way. I'm close friends with a black girl in my grade, and I dont mean to offend anyone. 

Theres this group of black girls at our school who are so ghetto its not even funny. They are the most obnoxious group of people I've ever met. 

So they were in the bathroom now, yelling and shouting at eachother as they gossiped and listened to music. They stayed in there the entire husky period to avoid getting detention, being as loud as ever. 

I was terrified that they would see my feet and know I'd been in there the entire time they had. It's not like I could've walked out like I had just been going pee or something. I had my books with me. That would be SO embarrassing. 

Naturally, they noticed my feet. 

But it gets worse. 

One of the girls actually looked through the crack of the door of the stall and stared at me while she laughed. They laughed at me and joked about how I was some creepy stalker and how I was probably just some loser with no friends. The worst part is, its true. 

The bell finally rang and I waited until they left before leaving too. As I was walking through the hallway, I saw the girl that had been looking at me through the crack in the stall. She looked at my feet, saw my shoes, and knew I was the one from the bathroom. She pointed and laughed at me along with the other girls. 

The rest of the day went by painfully slow. 

In the end, I just crawled into my bed the second I got home and thanked god that the day was practically over. 

And thats the story of a pathetic day in my life. Does anyone else have any embarrassing stories they'd like to share? It would make me feel better about my awkward existance.