Nothing to Lose

Chapter One: Welcome to New York

It was ice cold that night. So cold that I highly believed I would freeze over. The ground beneath me was rock hard, and it smelled like urine. I got used to it. I turned over on my side and hugged myself. The only "pillow" I had available was my bag that I've been carrying with me since day one. The stuff in it, though, have come and gone over the years. I couldn't feel my body. One of these days I knew I'd get frostbite. But what could I do? Every car parked on the street were locked up tight and almost all of the shelters I've been to have banned me. What could I say? I didn't like to share and people were assholes. I had no idea what time it was. Time didn't matter much anymore. It hasn't mattered in a really long time. I sighed heavily and sat up. The smell of the sidewalk I was laying on was overwhelming. I stood up and looked around. In the distance, I could see the sun about to break the surface beyond the horizon. Had I even slept? When was the last time I had a full night's rest anyway? I wrapped my arms around myself and started walking. Have you ever gotten to the point where a city you've lived in for almost your entire life sickened you? Well, New York disgusted me. And it disgusted me when I would overhear people gushing over it. What do you think of when NYC is brought up? The Big Apple? The ball drop? Broadway? Perhaps you think of what I think of when New York is brought up. Dirt and grime. Homeless people littering the streets and rapists walking around undetected. Hell, I always think of 9/11. No one sees the behind the scenes of New York. It has this façade that only a handful of people could see right through. I was one of those people. I hated this place. I was lost in my thoughts as always when my body collided into something else. "Ow!" I fell down and landed right my ass. "Dammit." I was struggling to get up when a voice broke my early morning stupor.

"Shit, I'm so sorry. I never look at my surroundings." I glanced up. My vision was slightly blurry then the face that was hovering above me came into focus. "Here, take my hand." The stranger held out their small hand. I took it, and they pulled me up. I took my hand away and brushed myself off. Not that it would help my current appearance, but you can't blame a girl for trying. I looked at the stranger once again and noticed a stain on their shirt. I looked down and saw a coffee cup on the ground and it was bleeding coffee.

"You spilled your coffee on your shirt," I whispered. The stranger looked down and started laughing.

"I guess so! I'm more torn up about my coffee, though. Tragic." The stranger sighed. "Sorry, again. I was texting while walking. I always do and yet I never learn my lesson. One time I even ran into a pole." I furrowed my brows. Why were they still here? The stranger coughed. "Anyway, I have to go. I'm late for work." They gave me a soft smile and walked off. I looked back as they were walking away. Will I ever see them again? Don't be stupid. You never see the same person twice in this city. I sighed and shook my head. I bent down to retrieve my bag from the ground. I shook off the encounter with the stranger and continued on my way. It was still early and still cold. I wondered what I was going to do for food. I steered myself towards a nearby bench and sat down. The sidewalk started filling up with people. I set my bag on my lap and opened it. I groaned. The only edible contents in there were a cheese stick, a granola bar I had stolen a few days ago, and a bag that used to hold a whole loaf of bread which now only held two slices. I stuck my hand in my bag and grabbed the cheese stick. I opened it from its wrapping and took a bite. God, I'm so hungry. That's all I was nowadays. I was hungry. It was a feeling I've grown accustomed to and was tired of. I took the last bite of the cheese stick and it was gone. I was still hungry. I sighed and got up to throw it away. I tossed it into a nearby trash can and started walking again. I hadn't gotten far when a familiar voice stopped me.

"Hey!" No. God. Please. I started walking again. Every step I took was growing faster. I was so close to breaking out in a run when a hand grabbed me roughly by my shoulder and turned me around. "Don't you ever listen?"