Thog let out a planet shattering sigh. Those @#!*% Earthlings had done it again, they had created another religion! They just didn’t stop! He had sent prophet after prophet hoping they’d finally get it right, but did they? No. (Though to be fair the Scientologists got close, but God damn it his name wasn’t Xenu.) He just wasn’t feeling all powerful anymore, and ever since “The God Delusion” he had really begun to doubt his own existence. His psychiatrist was an atheist which didn’t help things, and recently he had taken up drinking. The problem was that humans were so resourceful, they didn’t need him anymore. With science there was nothing he could do that they couldn’t! They built cities, eradicated illness and created technological monstrosities that frightened even him, pop music still gave him hope that they needed him, but between the Beatles and Queen he was losing his hold on even that. He desperately needed a drink he decided, that would cheer him up.
Resisting the temptation to smack a cherub as he went, he stormed into his wine cellar and picked out his favorite red bottle of genoCIDER. He didn’t want to start drinking again; last time had resulted in the embarrassment he only referred to as the “Noah Fiasco”, but those humans never learnt. If only he could get rid of them. In the good old days all he had to do was say “Sacrifice your son Abraham”, and people would be rushing up to murder their offspring, but now he was lucky to get them to turn off their iPods. All he wanted was the complete abolition of freewill and their total unwavering love; was that too much to ask? At least during the great flood he got to watch some old fashioned drowning’s, but now he was lucky to get even the odd bombing. It wasn’t fair! Thog took a gulp of the genoCIDER, he liked drowning’s, maybe he shouldn’t have saved Noah, maybe he should have let them all drown. “Let them perish”, he thought. After all they did deserve it! Maybe if they were gone he would be happy, after all, real estate was going up in the Milky Way. He could build a bypass or something, like in that movie he watched. He could get started right away he decided, he could burn, chop, slice and dice like in his glory days during the Old Testament. He could already taste the screams, he’d get started right away, but first just one more sip.
Nathaniel Brown
