My One Weakness

Ch4- My Scare

By now Luke and I have been together for 8months ( including are 4months of dating ), I see since he's moved it that him and I are different. By that I mean he's openly gay and he likes to try to hold my hand, I only like to hold his hand in dark places like the movies or in the car. Just last night he tried to hold my hand at the fair and I moved my hand away from his, he asked " is something wrong?" I just told him my hand was hurting, I'm getting tired of lying to him but I don't won't to lose him. I'm sure by now he's starting to pick up that something isn't right with me and him.

Over all we are fine, he's perfect for me and i guess I'm perfect for him. I just need to stop letting my insecurities get in the way of are relationship.
Tonight we came home from a movie and we was holding hands as we was walking to the condo and some clearly drunk random guy just drives by saying "you two are so gay hahaha!" Luke didn't let that worry him at all, I then let go of his hand, we stopped walking and I said " Luke I have something to say, I'm insecure with us, your such a catch and I'm not and your open and happy and I feel uncomfortable and scared of what people might say, I just wish I could be more like you."

He looked at me like he was surprised this was coming out of my mouth, we sat down on a bench and he said " Ethan I was like you a long time ago and I've grew out of it, at the end of the day you have to be happy with you and confidence follows." I agreed with him and we walked down to are condo not holding hands. We got in bed and went to sleep, I couldn't help but feel bad. He probably think I'm trying to break up with him but I'm not I'm just insecure with not being out and then I just realized I didn't tell the whole story.