Letter to Past Me:
You are going to feel lonely.
You are going to go to bed some nights with your stomach empty and your chest in pain and you are going to think that you are alone in this world.
You are not.
You are going to wake up dreading having to see anyone, dreading having to listen to anyone ask you about your mood.
Don't fight it.
You are going to lie.
You are going to lie about ten things, a hundred things, a thousand things, ten thousand things, and you are going to hate every fiber of your being when you do it, and you are going to ask what is wrong with you and why you can't be normal.
You have people to help you.
You are going to self diagnose yourself with depression and being a pathological liar because you are too afraid to ask your parents for help because they might dismiss it.
Please look to them.
You are going to try to find love many times and will not be successful. You will think that you are the problem and incapable of doing anything right.
Please learn to love yourself and remember you always have yourself.
You are going to break.
You are going to feel the world spinning around your mind and it'll feel like it's only affecting you, and one night, those pretty lights hanging in your room are going to seem to look better hanging around your neck.
They do not.
You are going to hurt people.
You are going to use people for your own selfish gain, and you are going to look back on it and hate yourself again, and contemplate again why you didn't keep those lights wrapped around your neck, and the darkness will start to take over again.
There is light in that tunnel.
They are going to hurt you back.
And you will believe that you deserve it. And, to some degree, you do.
It makes you stronger.
You are not defective. You are not a disappointment. You will make your mistakes and you will learn that everyone else will too. You will meet people who will change your perspective on everything, people who truly love you, and will do anything to see you happy.
You are an amazing person. You are an amazing person. You are an amazing person.
Dear past me:
Do not ever forget that.
