Broken Home - Narry (Sequel to DFWML) --quite slow updates--

Chapter 4 - She Would Hope, She Would Pray, She Was Waiting It Out.

-Harry-

I'm not sure how to keep this up. Niall's only been gone for twelve hours maybe not even that, I don't know where he is or what he's doing.

It's a terrible thought but I don't even know if he's alive. 

Gemma hasn't gotten back to me yet to notify me of where Niall has situated himself in this world. I hope he's okay because I wouldn't live with myself if he wasn't okay, I'd know it's my fault that he's broken, my fault he's depressed, my fault his bipolar disorder is worse. I don't know if he took his pills for it with him in his descent but I hope he has, if he doesn't take them it's just bad. Everything goes bad. Not just a little bit, it's a lot.  Well actually everything right now is bad. I can't help but feel like it's all my fault that me and Niall have fallen out so much. Fallen out so much I made him leave, after five great years of marriage, well actually it wasn't great. 

It was never great, well... I say this but it was absolutely fantastic for about a year and a half, we had Angel and me and Niall were still ourselves, we fucked like bunnies, that's why I said that I haven't had sex in three years, because I haven't. Niall has not made love to me for three years, he hadn't really said he loves me for three years, except for yesterday when I told him to leave. But he really just left, he didn't even put up a fight, he just got up, packed a few things, left his husband, his home and his daughter behind, because I said to him to leave. 

Do I regret it? Probably.

I'm hoping that Gemma gets back to me on where Niall is, if he's okay, and if he's alright and still alive. I hope he isn't suicidal anymore, I am not. I refuse to allow myself fall that far anymore. I won't let it happen, and because of a person, I won't allow it, especially when I have Angel relying on her Daddy to take care of her. Gemma stayed here tonight, as she put Angel to bed for me. Gemma is helpful... sometimes, she's still a sibling to me. lol.

"Daddy! Morning time!" I suddenly hear the little patter of feet on the bedroom floor and I am being jumped on in a matter of seconds.

"Morning Angel, how'd you sleep?" I ask her and she giggles before lying on me, facing me. She lies like this on me every morning.

"I sleep fine Daddy! Have- did you sleeped fine.. too?" she asks stumbling over he words as she always does, the adorable little thing she is. She always tries to speak as well as me, often or not she uses her 'best English!' as she puts it.

"I did yes!" I say gleefully and she's too young to see behind my mask.

"And Papa?" she asks innocently.

"I think he slept fine," I tell her and she smiles before running off somewhere again. I shut my eyes and sigh deeply, Niall's face from last night popping back into my mind. All the tears I seemed to make, every single one is running through my mind. I sit up, supposing I should make Angel something to eat.

I walk into the bathroom and Niall has left his aftershave out on the counter. I stare at it for a few seconds before splashing some water on my face and quickly brushing my teeth. I showered the other night, my hair's clean.

The aftershave seems to stare at me as much as I stare at it, I go through back to my bedroom and Niall left his jumper too, his favourite jumper.

I hesitantly pick it up and multiple pieces of paper fall out of it. Huh?

I pull the jumper over my head and take in the familiar smell of Niall, I can't help but smile as I breathe in the strong musky scent.

I pick up the papers and there's messy handwriting... Niall's handwriting... scribbled on the paper.