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Life is unpredictable. One moment you can be on top of the world, and the next, you're face first in the dirt. You never know what's going to happen five minutes from now, from absolutely nothing to the world imploding. The possibilities of what the near future holds are infinite. Yet, we all choose to live our lives without thinking of the consequences of things and it's not really until these bad things happen that we put down our phones and take a look around us. I can say this from experience, because I was one of those bad things that made the world stop and think for a moment.
I guess I should start off by introducing myself huh? Yes yes I know, I'm breaking the fourth wall but I feel that it's the only way to really let you all understand my story. But anyways, my name is Amber and I live in the busy state of New York. I live with my mom and two older sisters. My dad? He left us when I was only a year old. No, I don't mean left as in die. I mean the guy packed his bags and left mom to the care of three girls. Well, I suppose we should just dive right into where I feel my story really starts. Sophomore year.
This is where the train wreck really started, now everyone already hates me. God knows why, but I was just that one weird loner kid no one ever dared to even look at. My first day as a sophomore I walked into my first period class, english, and proceeded to walk to the back to the room and sat down at my usual seat.It took me a moment to see it, but someone had carved words into the wooden desk. "BOY" it read, and this felt like a shot through the heart.
Now, I should probably explain why a word as simple as boy is enough to send me to tears. I'm transgendered. I was born a male, but I am a girl. My birth name is Gavin, but I prefer to go by Amber. Why Amber? You know, I'm not really sure but I have always loved that name, it's so sweet and gentle. I just love it. Now, just about everyone in the school knows that I was born male and you can imagine how bad that is for me in more ways than one.
Anyways, someone had been kind enough to carve this into my desk. If you don't know what it's like being misgendered on purpose well let me tell you it hurts. Think about it in perspective, say you are a girl and the whole world decided "nah you're a boy". Imagine how it would feel to everyday of your life have everyone tell you that you are wrong about who you are. You know you're a girl, because you are a girl, but everyone else says you are a boy. It really may not seem like much to some of you, and that may be because you have never had to deal with this. I promise you that being misgendered is a pretty shitty thing. That's the only word I can use to describe it. Shitty.
I took my house key out and started to scratch over this word in hopes to rid of it. Soon enough it was just a bit of scribbles so I decided to shape it into a little heart. Perfect, all that remains is a small heart in the corner of my desk. I smiled softly at the sight of it and pocketed my key again. Not long after the bell rang and the teacher came in to start class. The morning went by as it usually did, slow and boring.
The loud shriek of the bell woke me up from my nap, I looked at the clock 11:30, lunch time. I got up and packed my books back into my backpack before walking out into the hallway. I always spent my lunch period in the music room, either reading or playing the piano or on occasion the guitar. I love music, it's the one thing that's been there for me all my life and it understands me. Now, usually the band room is empty everyone is always out eating, talking to friends or hurrying to complete their homework from last night. But, as I walked in I heard the calming sound of the piano. I couldn't place the tune but it still sounded beautiful. I walked in quietly to catch a glimpse at who was playing such amazing music.
A boy. It's a boy. How is it a boy is playing this? Now, don't get me wrong I am the last person to ever be sexist but my school sure as hell is. Here, girls play music, boys play sports. That's just how things are around here, but it was...reliving almost to see it was a boy playing this. As I got closer I was able to to really see him, he had short dirty blond hair that covered part of his face, jeans and a grey hoodie. Overall he was pretty cute. I realize he had stopped playing and was looking at me now, probably wondering why some creepy chick was staring at him. After a very awkward minute of silence went by he finally spoke.
"Hi, my name's Oliver, who are you?" little did I know, those few words are what cracked the glass holding my world together.
