The Love For Pain

Chapter 2

I went downstairs and luckily no one was home, my dog Charlie was no where to be seen, so that was good. If he saw me like this, he wouldn't leave me alone, and I don't even want him to see me in this horrible condition.

Walking into the kitchen I look through the window seeing my neighbors roughly a year younger than me living their heart out. Everyone was laughing and having a great time on the trampolines, and then here's me, planning to attempt cutting myself for the first time in my lifetime.

As I open the drawers, I find many, sharp knives. I didn't know which one to choose from, so I just closed my eyes, and grabbed a couple to take upstairs.

"Am I actually going to do this?" I muttered to myself feeling a bit anxious just by glaring at the sharp objects.

Even though I promised I self I was never going to do this, I might break that promise just to make myself feel better.

I made my final decision. I grabbed one knife and lifted up my sleeve.

"Here we go." Placing the knife onto my wrist, slowly slicing my flesh. I started to see white lines, so I went with more force in, causing dark red blood to approach onto the skin.

Looking at blood always made me cringe, but today it didn't affect me, it made me laugh. I guess this lets out some dopamine in my body, because I am never happy seeing blood.

After a few minutes my arm started to feel weird. Its like as if someone just cut open my intestines, but in reality, its just my fucking arm.

I rushed to the washroom and cleaned my arm all up. Then I realized my shirt was stained.

"Shit!" I cried out. This was my favorite shirt ever. It was like my life in a torso, all comfy, all nicely scented, all loved. Now its screwed.

As I changed my shirt I realized my arm is going to be noticeable in gym. Since I only wear a shirt and some booty shorts, people will realize I cut and will report it to the office, then, off course, rumors will tend to spread.

Throwing out all my clothes, I finally found a long sleeve shirt. I'll be wearing this till my scar goes away, but I doubt it will.

Looking at my arm it made me feel bad inside, I broke a promise. I began to start crying again.

Sobbing, I glanced at the clock. It was 4pm, my brother was going to be home in about an hour. He can't see me like this, or he'll freak. I went to my washroom and tried to tidy myself up, but I still looked the same.

Maybe I'm overreacting about all of this, its just a break up, right? I was okay with that after a while since my mind was off it, but then thinking about it all over again just kept making me cry. And if I go to school people will just believe all the rumors that are possibly being made up right now. I didn't want to answer any messages but they just kept coming and coming, it got so annoying. I threw my phone across the room and just kept sobbing.

Momentarily I heard the garage open.

"Crap, crap, crap!" I said to myself. My brother was home.

I looked out the window to see the reflection of the house across from us that my brother was just hanging in the garage. Still, I managed to clean up my room and myself again before he came in.

"I'm home loser!" Yelling at the top of his lungs.

Opening my door looking at the security cameras we have I already see him on the couch watching some stupid show called "Adventure Time". To me, that show is so retarded, like, what 17-year-old watches cartoons like that? I bet he gets all his stupidity right there.

"So..." Awkwardly trying to start a conversation.

"What?" I spat.

"There was this story at school that some dude was dumped by a girl today in your school, and she just ditched school and ran somewhere. Do you know who it is?" Innocently asking me.

That so called story is about David and I. So I'm assuming that it already spread to the high schools. It made me feel so sick in the head, I didn't even bother to say anything. But I did.

"How am I supposed to know all this, does it look like I am like that?" I yelled.

I felt bad after. But I had to let my anger out. I want nothing to do with David in this household.

"Whoa, calm down. Are you on your period? I just wanted to know if it was you and David..." He said.

And from that, I exploded.

"Just because a girl is yelling doesn't mean she's on her fucking menstrual cycle! If you were a girl, you would know how it feels!" Gesturing my arms around, my sleeve scrolled up, exposing my cut.

His jaw dropped, and his eyes widened. He couldn't believe what he saw.