Squidward sat on his window pane as the rain fell, looking longingly at the two idiots splashing in the puddles. He watched intently as Patrick showed how much he cared for Spongebob by caring him in out of the rain when he hurt his foot.
"Oh that Spongebob is the very bain of my existence! Why does Patrick care so much for him but not me! Why can't he see, why can't he know! My life is pointless without him!"
Just this thought drove him mad. He ran outside to show his feelings once and for all. He beat the crap out of Spongebob and ran to Patrick and they embraced
"Patrick...."
"Yes, Squidward?"
"You're my star. You always have been, I love you"
They kissed and Patrick took them back to his rock which crushed them to death since he lives under a freaking bolder and it was just a matter of time before it killed him.
After all these years the rock has been making him soft and squishing his brain (why he's so stupid) and Squidward is a squid so he's already squishy and Patrick knew that. He killed himself killing the guy that killed his best friend. Or as it was really, his lover. That my friends is why you don't mess with gay starfish.
