phan oneshots

beautiful things .

Phil waited until Dan was asleep, brushing his fringe out of his face to make sure. He ran his thumb up the bridge of his nose and across his eyebrows soothingly.

"Oh Dan," he cooed, hot tears escaping from his eyes. He bent down to gently press his lips to his husbands forehead, letting his raven black hair brush across his sleeping beauty's face. "I love you. I promise you that, I truly love you," he mumbled, his lips still pressed lightly against Dan's skin. "But I can't stay."

After a few minutes of sitting there like that he quietly and careful stood up. He tiptoed silently (except for when he almost woke Bento, the shiba inu that was curled up in the living room) through the house. He stood in the kitchen for a while, his eyes flicking to and fro around the apartment. Down the hall to where Dan slept peacefully and unawares. To the dog bed where five month old Bento slept. His paws twitched occasionally.

Phil looked over at the black and silver clock that Dan had begged him for. Phil had wanted to blue and green one but he couldn't say no to his, then boyfriend's, wide eyes and adorable pout. He laughed quietly before remembering that the whole point of this was to be stealthy.

Soft fur brushed against his angle and he knew who it was before he even looked down. While technically they both owned Bento together Dan had always had a stronger bond with him. This led to a second trip to the pet shop for the small long haired grey tabby kitten that Phil had lovingly named Okinawa, after a region in Japan. He planned to take Oki with him when he left.

"Hello Oki, glad to see you aren't hiding," he whispered. He bent down to pick up the small cat, stroking her soft ears lightly. Okinawa meowed softly, pressing against Phil's large hand. "Okay baby, time to go in your carrier," he tried to sound as calm as possible. Oki hated the damn carrier. He walked towards the door, where he had left the carrier. He quietly slid the latch open and with only a small struggle, placed the kitten inside. There was a soft blanket and some cat treats already in there to keep Oki as calm as possible. "You good, baby kitty?" He asked, knowing full well that Oki was indeed not good with the situation.

Phil looked down at the shoes he had already set out, ready to slip on and go. "One last check before I head out, I guess," he mumbled to himself, placing his hands on his hips. He paced silently around the apartment, making sure he had everything he needed. A hidden suitcase waited for him in the front closet. The last thing left to do was write the note.

His eyes beginning to water again, Phil settled into the computer chair in the office. He slowly opened the drawers, retrieving a pen and paper.

"Dan,

I'm sorry I had to leave you like this. I'm also sorry for taking Oki, but we both know that she's my cat and Bento is your dog.

Maybe I will return one day. I don't know. I'm not even sure where I'm going yet. Please don't try to find me. I just can't stay with you any longer.

Find someone else. Please. I don't want you to get lonely. I think Peej has fancied you for years. I'm sorry we never got around to buying a house together, or adopting a daughter like we said we would.

Please Dan, do not let this hold you back. Keep working, keep living.

Just don't keep loving me. I don't want you being hurt because of me.

And never, EVER, forget that I love you, Daniel Lester. I love you more than you could ever know. I have been in love with you since the day we met. All those skype calls, the sleepovers. They made my life complete. They gave me a reason to live.

This is the most fun I've ever had.

-Phil Lester, October 19th 2024"

Phil cried hard as he wrote what was becoming less of a note and more of a letter. Tears splashed down on the paper occasionally. Luckily none smudged the words.

Phil folded the letter in half, writing Dan's name in flowing cursive on the front. He exited to office and returned to the kitchen. His eyes focused on the floor.

"Why is Oki in a carrier?" Phil snapped his head up, meeting Dan's tired brown eyes. He choked back a sob and took a deep breath. "Why are you crying? Phil, what wrong love?" Dan spoke softly, pulling Phil into his chest. Phil suddenly felt very small. Tears flowed from his face, no doubt soaking Dan's t-shirt.

"I'm sorry," Phil managed to choke between sobs. "I'm so sorry,"

"Why are you sorry? Phil, what's going on?" Dan unwrapped himself, taking Phil's hands in his own. The note was still secure in Phil's grip. "Why aren't you wearing your wedding ring? Phil, what is this?" Dan said, his voice becoming more demanding than consoling. Bento rose from his slumber in all the commotion and was now whining at the couples feet. "Were.." Dan managed to mumbled out a single word. "Were you going to leave me?" He asked, his voice suddenly small. He sounded so vulnerable.

Phil looked down. "I-" he tried to start, but Dan shushed him. He pried to note from Phil's hand. He let go of his other hand and walked into the living room, barely making it to the couch before slumping down in a heap. He read slowly, tears beginning to drop down his face after only a sentence. Occasionally he would look up at Phil, who had made his way into the living room as well. He was sitting on the floor.

Dan put down the letter and ran a hand through his curly bed hair. He opened his mouth at least ten times but made no sound. It was as if he didn't even know what to say.

"Why?" He finally choked, his voice rough and strained. "Why would you-" he started. "What am I doing wrong?" He looked over at Phil blankly. Phil looked away and took a deep breath.

"Everything about you and your life is beautiful. Your music, your clothes. You. It's all beautiful and thought out and goes together. Except me. I'm not beautiful. I'm awkward and I have a big nose and my hair looks like a carrot unless I change it. I wear random clothes and mismatched socks and nothing works and I'm not beautiful. And I stand next to you and all I can think is that I'm. Not. Beautiful," he whimpers, the warm salty liquid escaping his eyes at a relentless pace.

Dan states at him, doing nothing but blinking. "Oh," he says quietly, bringing a hand up to his mouth. "Phil.." He mumbled between his fingers.

He throws himself off the couch and wraps himself around Phil, his head resting in the crook of his neck. "Phil, you are the most beautiful thing in my life. You are so perfect in every single way and I love you so much because Phil, you are the most beautiful human being I have ever known and you are perfect," Dan says, his voice interrupted by his own sobbing occasionally. "I love you, Phil. I love you, I love you, I love you. Please don't leave me.

Phil pulls away from dan, looking down at his beautiful husband. "I-" he mumbled. "I love you too, Dan. Please never stop loving me."

Dan nods, pulling Phil back into the embrace. The pair ends up laying on the ground together, tracing circles on each other's chests and sharing short but sweet kisses.

They fall asleep together, more in love than they have ever been.