With Love, Harry E. Styles.

Letter One

Dear Louis,

I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. Why would you do this? How could you do this? If you had just waited a little bit longer we would've been free. We could've been enjoying all those cliche couple moments in public. We could've been holding hands, hugging, even kissing in public. If you just held on.. We would've been free together. You aren't quite gone yet but they don't know you are going to pull through. I hope that you do. I really do.

I blame myself. If I would've pushed management harder or if I was there for you even if I wasn't allowed too. You would still possibly be here. I should've tried more. I should've Louis, God damnit. I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Louis I'm so sorry I wasn't there.

I'm in hysterics and I feel like my chest is caving in. Nothing seems to be okay anymore and I just want you, Louis. I just want you. I'm sorry I'm staining this paper with tears and shreds of my heart but I just can't help it. It's happening without trying. I'm falling apart without saving.

A huge chunk of me is missing. I can feel it.

I'm lost and I can't find myself again. You were always there to help me feel normal again whenever I was depressed or just felt numb. But now you aren't here. I'm stuck. Sinking. Drowning.

I keep waiting for you to show up and make everything okay again. But then I remember walking into your room and seeing your lifeless body. At first I thought you were just sleeping. I attacked your body in a attempt to hug you before I realized something was wrong. The all too familiar beat of your heart that I had fallen asleep too multiple nights had been silenced. Your skin was cold and hued a light blue. You were so.. Still.

I screamed. I yelled. I shook you and waited for a response with no luck. It was traumatic. I started sobbing and my body trembled. This resulted in Liam running in the room and he gasped and covered his mouth and tears shed down his face at a quick rapid speed. I yelled for him to call 999 and I clutched your small and frail body close to my own. I was choking on sobs and whimpering your name and tiny apologies while rocking us back and forth.

"Come back.. Come back. I need you. I love you." My voice was frantic and shaking along with my heart as I had troubles trying to catch my breath. It was a matter of seconds before Niall and Zayn had ran into the room. Niall dropped to his knees, crying loudly. Zayn just went into a fit and kept murmuring 'why' under his breath with a sad and confused expression over his fade. "He's going to come back. He's going to come back, don't worry!" I said confidently but I wasn't sure of whether I was trying to convince them or myself.

Everything seems to remind me of you. From the smaller and old jokes, like a stripe design or carrots. To the bigger things like the pictures, the videos, the tattoos that are now permanently etched into my skin that matched perfectly with yours. How about the color blue? Not just a dull blue though. Mainly a light blue that matched the color of your eyes. I miss seeing your bright eyes ready for anything life threw at you besides masking our love.

Everything in my life has seem to fade out. Everything seems so dull. You were the color in my life and now everything is so grey. I miss my color. I miss you.

You nudge your hand against mine, Louis.I feel pink.Like the color embezzled in your lovely cheeks every time you get worked up or flustered. You bump into me in an attempt to be closer. You protectively clutch me and I always knew I was yours. They always suspected I was yours. They were right. You cuddle me, you hug me, you love me and I felt like I could reign over the world. With you of course by my side.

We fight but that doesn't change the amount of me loving you. If anything it makes me love you more and it makes me realize how scared it makes me to think I might lose you.. Look where I am now. Lost without you, the love of my life and my source of happiness. I feel blue.

We kiss, we share intimate moments, we make small touches that mean everything to each other and they stay permanently etched in my mind. Those moments.. That were so bare and started out innocent but slowly drove into something more and I LOVED that Louis. I love you. I feel red.

I see you curled up and lifeless and I feel grey.

You are my sunshine..

My only sunshine..

You made me happy when skies were grey.

You never knew how..

much I love you..

Please don't take my sunshine away.

Come back.

I promise to write soon again.

With love,
    Harry E. Styles