The Jack of Diamonds (Cards of Fate I)

It's Just Me Telling a Lie

Carmen swore as she glanced around. Trees. Not a single identifiable landmark as far as the eye could see, which given she was in the middle of a forest, wasn't far. She went to pull out her phone, before remembering it was dead in the glovebox of her car. After the incident with Kali yesterday she'd slept at the barn, in Voltaire's stall, and hadn't charged the stupid thing. Now she felt like an idiot.

Glancing around herself again, she sighed, dropping to her knees. It had been almost a month since this last happened, and she'd dared to think she was beyond this. Apparently not, and that fact felt like a punch in the gut. Every time she got close to moving on, there was some sharp reminder, like someone jerking at a chain around her neck, and she was so, so tired.

Something pawed at her shoulder, and Carmen raised her head to see Versailles. The German Shepherd whined softly, and Carmen threw her arms around him. The warmth that leeched from his coat thawed her fingers, and after a few minutes she struggled to a stand.

"Versailles, car." She commanded.

The walk back was long, and by the time Carmen saw her car in the parking lot, it was dark outside. For a moment she considered spending another night in Voltaire's stall, but she needed to charge her phone and check her voicemail almost more than she needed a shower. Not to mention the fact that the thought of seeing Cain again made her want to vomit. She spent most of the way home pointedly not thinking about any of it, by way of blasting music as loud as her car's speakers could stand.

It did little to help drown out the little voice in the corner of her mind, reminding her just how weak and broken she was, how ugly that made her. At times it felt like a black plague, invisibly consuming her just beneath the surface, as she struggled to breathe.

She parked in her driveway, and climbed the steps to the oak front door as if someone had put lead weights in her shoes. Friday night. It was her salvation right now. No more tests, or quizzes, or early mornings for two blissful days. She paused in the doorway as Versailles entered, dashing through each of the rooms, before stopping at the end of the hallway and giving a small yip. All clear. Fine.

Her school bags dropped on the floor by the door, and her coat tossed over that, she stumbled into the living room and flopped onto the couch. She grabbed the pillow from beside her and curled around it, humming softly. Finally she reached blindly out to grab her phone. There were two unheard messages, both from her father; she'd deal with them tomorrow. Alan could wait. Nothing he had to say was ever the important anyway. Burying her face in the pillow she felt a cold nose press into her cheek, and looked up to see Versailles standing over her.

"I suppose you want food." Carmen said softly. Versailles lifted one paw to scratch at the couch.

"And you won't feed yourself?" Carmen asked hopefully. Versailles blinked, and Carmen sighed, rolling off the couch and onto the floor. Slinking into the kitchen she scooped a handful of dog kibble into the German Shepard's bowl, and sank down onto the floor beside it, leaning against the cabinet with her hand resting on Versailles back. Her eyes slid closed of their own accord, and her breathing deepened. She was half asleep before she realized it.

"I should shower." Carmen said to no one in particular. She really should, washing one's hair in the sink didn't count, but her body felt heavy, and the thought of having to stand up in the tiny shower stall for half an hour was enough to make her groan. Staggering to a stand, using the counter top as a handle, Carmen stood and hobbled stiffly upstairs. The muscles in her lower back were beginning to protest Carmen's treatment of them. Absently she wondered if she'd thrown a rib out of alignment in her attempt to stay atop Kali two days previous.