NUMB

One

Emani

Out here, You have 2 choices: Get rich or die trying. I guess I fit in the 'die trying' category. When you been on ya own for so long, you get used to certain bullshit. Nobody knows how it feels to experience niggas mistreating you when you don't live up to their expectations. I may not look, dress, or act the best, but I do what I gotta do to live. No matter what it takes. I live for myself and myself only. I don't give a fuck about nobody because nobody gives a fuck about me. Thought my mother did, but it seemed like she cared more about heroine and her boyfriend than her own damn daughter. That just goes to show that your closest ain't even your closest. Her boyfriend, Rodney, did some things to me that I've kept secret for a while now. That's because if I did, no telling what he would've did. In times of need, I've called, sent letters, and delivered messages to cousins that I've heard about and all. Do you really think I was gonna get a reply? Hell no. But I've heard plenty of times that God put you through certain things to prepare you for what's to come and that he may not come when you want him but he's always time. If this is what it meant then I don't wanna live no part of it. I need God now.

Lately I've been working at this corner store down the block called Roscoe's. It doesn't pay much, but it's enough to feed me everyday. I'm saving up so I can quit this Job and get a better one rent me a suitable apartment. Sleeping in motels every night doesn't feel so good at all. Tossing and turning because of bed bugs, getting up every 2 seconds to fix the antenna on this fucking broke ass TV. Then, I can't forget about the other tenants that lives in this bitch. This one couple always fight, and he always manage to whoop her ass. They'll keep up noise for about 2 hours then she'll leave the room. Then, come back like nothing happened, when she knows the consequences. Reminds me of my mama. This happens so often, sometimes I wanna beat her ass myself for coming back.

The one thing that relaxes me in this broke down motel is the bathroom. Since I knew that I was gonna be crashin' here for a while, I took it upon myself to clean it up a little.

Since I have work in the morning from 10am to 6pm, I set my alarm and gather clothes for what I'm gonna wear to bed. I go to the bathroom and run my bath water and find a song from the phone I managed to get from my manager.

Once my bath water was to my desire, I tied my hair in a bun and stripped and got in. I rested my back and let my body soak in the soapy water while Don't by Bryson Tiller filled my ears. After reminiscing, I scrub myself with the soap and wash my body off and got out. After drying myself & putting on my pajamas, I was feeling kinda hungry. Since this place doesn't come with a damn stove, I put on my shoes and walk to this new pizza place down the block. I didn't realize how dark it was until I ran into a car that was parked wrong so I shined my phone light and realized that I accidentally put a dent in the door. Well the fucking car should've never been in my way. I kicked another dent in the car and moved along.

So I arrived at the pizza place and I take my order then wait for my call. Then about 5 minutes later, I hear my name on the intercom.

"Emani."

I got up and I went to the counter where the food was being picked up.

"Yes, that's me. How much will that be?" I said looking down in my purse.

"$15 flat."

As I got the money out of my purse, I looked up to see a sexy, caramel, tatted up boy at the counter. I gave him a $20 because that's all I had until tomorrow's payday.

"I think I said ya name right. I apologize if I den'. But 5 dolla' is ya change."

"Thank you." I smiled and walked away.

He has a thick ass southern accent and even though he's cute, I'm not trying to seem thirsty especially if I had to make the first move. He's probably one of those niggas that think he's hard to get anyways.

"Ay luh' mama? You forgot ya' food."

I immediately stopped in my tracks and walked back and felt embarrassed. Like seriously. Name a nigga that would forget their food in a damn restaurant.

"Sorry, I was in rush and I think it just slip my mind." I lied.

"Its ight' love, ion' know too many niggas that would forget they food in a restaurant tho'."

"You right, I'm embarrassed now. Thanks a lot--" I said as I scanned his shirt for a name tag.

"Oh, Ion' do name tags, ain' nobody finna steal my identity. Everybody can't be like my fine ass. But Yeah shawty, my name August."

Cocky I see ...

"Oh well, Imma remember that when I come back. See you later August..." I smirked .

"Ight, See you lata lil mama."

Back at the motel

Shit. If I hit this car one more damn time! Would think I would know where its parked after the first time.

As I'm walking up the stairs, I feel a pair of eyes burning through my soul. So I slowly examine the front, back, and sides of me to make sure I wasn't being stared at. Well I didn't see anybody so hopefully I was just imagining ...

So I walk in, shut the door, and Immediately start murdering this pizza. I was hungry as hell! I don't even care about it being hot, fuck it.

I look at the janky ass alarm clock and it says 10. I guess I'll scan through the channels. It was boring as hell sitting in this hotel all day everyday until I go to work. That's all I can do since I don't really communicate with people except my co-worker Aliyah. Aliyah was an average height, mixed (Dominican/Black) chick that kind of has a similar life story than mines. Except her mom is still in her life, but is hooked on drugs. Aliyah was living with her since she has no place to go. I would help her if I can, but you can't help anyone if you can barely help yourself.

Knocking me out of my thoughts was the sound of metal hitting the ground outside of my door. Then my doorknob started to move, so I immediately go hide. The only place to hide is under my bed. As I hid there, the door slowly opened and a voice spoke.

"Little Lady... Come on out, I know you're here because I saw you."

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