Omaha BoyxBoy Smut Book

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Hey guys I know this is different from the stuff I usually write in here but I need to talk to you guys about something. I'm different from most people... Like the way i think, I don't think normally like most people do. The way I think about things, I have to look at it twenty different ways. And reassure myself. And think about it twenty four seven when I shouldn't.

Another thing, I've always wanted to feel loved. Not abandoned... I've been used, Cheated on. And broken. Broken piece by pier in a row to the point where sometimes I think to myself "why" or "I'm so fucking useless" and sometimes I wonder what the world would think if I was gone. Like never here. Or how people would react.

People that actually love me.. I think don't. Because I've been broken so many times by people I loved. Or love. I don't want you Guys to think I'm seeking attention. I'm just writing this okay?

I don't know what's wrong with me..I don't know if I'm depressed or what, it doesn't feel like it? But yet sometimes it's not feeling it. It's looking like it, or you can be depressed and not know it cause you don't want to believe it.

Is this making sense?

Let me tell you something. when you think about your life, you think okay, family. Friends. Best buds. And your lover. And the one think making you happy? Out of them all? And that gets taken? It's not fun.

The way I am is not the way I used to be. I can't look at myself without seeing who the old me has turned into.

I'm a bitch.
I'm negative.
I don't let no one in.
I take anger out on the wrong people.
I let myself get played.
Compliments? Pfft I get them a lot. But don't believe them

I'm exhausted and mentally and emotionally drained. I'm only 15... It shouldn't be like this. I didn't ask for this.  I can feel myself ready to break. I'm afraid. Of so many things but I'm getting scared of myself cause when I look at myself I don't see the nice, forgiving, kind, gorgeous girl..

I have people fall for me.. For me to only break their hearts..