The Ugly Duckling

Chapter 4

           I walked out the house heated. I had never been so angry in my life. I had almost told them about what happened in Ireland, I had almost shown them how vulnerable I really was, I had almost shown them what I really felt, I had almost shown them the scars I had mentally and emotionally but most of all, I had come so close to showing them what they really meant to me.
          I walked down to the end of the driveway and past my car. I wasn't sure why I had picked up my keys since I was a rubbish driver. I placed the keys in my jean jacket pocket and folded my arms. I looked up at the sky feeling the sun on my carmel colored face and smiled. This feeling of euphoria took me back in time.
          My brothers had always been distant from me since I was a child and I had no clue why. That is until I learned that my mother Tina had taken her own life while I was still unborn. She had attempted to kill me as well, managing simply to bruise me a few times. Yet I was still afraid of the mirror. It showed me the scars of my mother whom hated me.
          It showed me the pain and the sorrows of her deceased soul. And they knew I hated it. My brothers teased me endlessly about the scar on my eye and back and even that my mum killed herself because of me. And it hurt. Those words had me weighed down in my few years of life. That was until I turned 8. My father said that we were all going on a family trip. August 9th was the day and on our trip we stopped to get flowers.
         Once we reached the destination I knew where we were. My mother's funeral sight. I walked ahead of the boys and my dad in my own little world. Once I reached a tombstone with one flower at the foot of it, I knew that it was hers. I remember looking up at the sky as the sun shined through the trees creating a few shapes on the ground. I felt free that day. It was as if seeing where she was buried, where she could no longer haunt me because she was mere dust and bones set me free.
        Yet it was also that day that a piece of me perished. On our way home from a small diner we were blindsided by a Coca Cola truck. I don't remember screaming or crying but I do remember when I woke up I was in a hospital room. A man was looking at me with a sad look on his face and then I felt the pain. My chest and my throat and my head hurt worse than I have ever felt before.
          My vocal cords had been hit and they were bruised so when I spoke five days later it came out with a terrible stutter. My euphoria was short lived. The teasing started about four months after it had been determined that my voice would forever be altered.
           I opened my eyes after day dreaming about my past and came face to face with chocolate colored eyes. I gasped lightly as I took a step back only to recognize the face as Liam's. "You alright?" He asked as he looked into my eyes. "You spaced out." He said again. "No, I'm fine. I just, uh was thinking." I said avoiding eye contact. "I searched everyday for you." He said as he lifted my face. He forced me to look into his eyes. For a second I was lost in the milk chocolate colored eyes. They were fond of having crinkles in the corner of them and now at this moment they looked sorrowful.
              "They care, we all care. It's just that they have yet to come to terms with the fact that they were in the wrong." Liam continued as he brought me into his chest. I inhaled his smell and was almost immediately calmed down. "I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you then but I will now." He said as I listened to his chest rumble. This was the brother I knew. We were fond of running off into the woods surrounding our home and sitting under a tree to read. Liam loved me for me and I him. Our imperfections made us happy. They made us proud, but only when we were alone.
               I thought about the times he would come into my room at night after a hard day at school for me and would just hold me. I missed those times. "Wanna go back inside or walk around?" Liam asked pulling away from me. I quickly pulled him back needing his warmth. He chuckled and wrapped his arms back around me. As I prepared to detach myself from him he made a small sound. I didn't know what to call it but it made my cheeks flush.
           We walked back to the house hand in hand. I tried to tell myself that this feeling in my stomach was simply from the lack of food. However my God forsaken heart had another idea. It is just a brotherly thing. I told myself as we stepped inside the house. Our hands dropped simultaneously causing us to blush. "Took you guys long enough!" Harry said as he eyed us. "Dad said he wants to tell us his news now before we all kill each other." Zayn said bored.
          We all sat on the opposite side of the room as my dad. I was sitting between Liam and Louis. I leaned a bit more into Liam as he placed his arm on the back of the sofa. "Well you guys kn-" Dad started when Niall stopped him. "Cut to the chase dad. I'm tired and this material is chaffing me." My dad sighed and Liam squeezed my shoulder knowing I was pissed. "Well I was diagnosed two months ago with something that the doctors have yet to discover. They told me I have a 9 months at most left." I sat up from the chair with my mouth hanging open. Tears streamed down my face as I looked over at my brothers with a look of indifference on their faces.
         "This could not be happening. This could not be happening. This could not be happening." Was all that ran through my mind. I hadn't had enough time with him, God not now.