My Dirty Little Secrets

2am

I wake up slumberly and take in my surroundings.Now i remember.I'm laying next to her.She's asleep.I push off the cover and sit on top missionary style staring at her.I kiss her forehead and caress her face gently.
Its only a matter of time..I think to myself.
My heat on her stomach wakes her up and she looks at me knowingly.I stare back, rubbing her softly then stopping to see what she does.We stay like that for a full minute til she breaks the silence."Bae" is all I hear her saying.My mind is roaming over the little pieces I do have now with her.
It wont last.
It isn't enough.
She won't do.
She doesnt want love.
I shift myself a little to make us both comfortable.She comes up and kisses me softly, making my thoughts scatter into the corners of my mind.
It's only pretend.
She'll never be real.
She's not in love..
I smile at her sweetly, looking for a sign that its all wrong. That we'll forever be happy.The knife's end has sliced the edge of my hand behind my back.blood trickles down my palm.I smoothe it in.It hurts but I smile again to her and give her a final kiss.
It wont hurt as much as you hurt..
It should.
Is this the end?
It always has been.
I look at her one last time, a tear rolling down my cheek.
"Bae what's wro-", she's cut off as I bring the knife down to her lungs.I close my eyes and relax, relishing in the trailing blood on my legs.
She can't hurt you now...
I lay back on my side and check the time before i snuggle for sleep..
2 a.m. on the dot..I take a deep breath.
2 a.m.