To Be?

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Dear Diary,

Today, I will change. I will be myself, not the person who hides behind the mask. I will learn how to get better and how to mourn without losing my whole life.

Today, I will remember. I will remember how mom used to tell me stories she always wanted to get written. I will remember what it was like before the accident, before I lost it all.

My one ray of sunshine through this is Aramis. He has become even more protective of me, his little sister. By no means am I complaining, if anything that is exactly what I need right now. I can hear him calling me to come to breakfast, so goodbye for now.

Always and forever,

Zara

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.“ZARA! Come get your breakfast before Acair comes to pick us up!” Aramis practically announces to the entire neighbourhood. “Coming! And what do you mean breakfast? All I ever get is burnt toast.” I respond quickly and without much thought, considering I am trying to find clothes I can wear to school in the little amount of time I have. “Zara, you need to learn how to filter your thoughts so you don’t get in trouble with the teachers again.” Aramis sounded tired, tired of just having to grow up, and Aramis never sounds tired.

“Are you feeling alright bro? You look a little sick, maybe you should stay home. I can have Acair take me to a drugstore on the way home and pick up some things for you.” He was scaring me, he never acts this way. I wonder if its just a personal thing. Meh it doesn’t really matter unless he is going to tell me, he almost never does. “Zara, I’m fi-” *Honk-Honk* Saved by the bell, brother. Well in this case horn, but you get the picture.

“Let’s go Zara, Acair is here.” Thank you, captain obvious. “Really? I hadn’t noticed, Aramis.” I sarcastically replied, well how do you expect me not to? The opportunity was golden, golden I tell you!

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As we pulled up to the school in Acair’s nice, old, Jaguar Mark 2, we ran into some more of Acair and Aramis’ friends. Oh joy, more people I don’t know. I was just starting as a freshman at Binghamton High School and I was so nervous! I guess it showed on my face because Aramis grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently. “Do you want me to come with you to get your schedule? I could show you where your classes are. I don’t think my friends would mind helping either.” Oh god! I’m about to walk into school with my brother and his friends, who are in the popular group,just to let you know.

I was too scared to go alone so I just nodded my head as he smiled and lead me inside. I got a few confused glances from some guys, but an overwhelming number of girls were blatantly glaring at me, not comprehending I was his little sister and not any sort of competition. I chuckled at their stupidity and territorial reactions to someone they had no claim to.

My brother’s friends, who I still have yet to know the names of, were very nice to me considering Aramis was dragging them places they didn’t need to go because of me. They must have noticed my discomfort because they started to introduce themselves. Key word there, started. They didn’t get to finish because this girl came up to them and rudely interrupted by saying “Hey guys, hows it going?” It seemed the guys mentally groaned while she turned to me and just kinda sneered. I just smiled real wide and answered “Hi, I’m new here and I was wondering who I should avoid, but thanks for answering my question!” Her mouth dropped open in surprise and I just smirked ‘This is gonna be fun!’

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