Faking Confidence

Chapter 6- "Part of a plan"

"Oh my God, you actually went on a real date?! Details!!!" It was the day after mine and Oliver's date and I was just dishing out what happened to Emery. After bringing up the two words date and Oliver she immediately dropped what she was doing, which actually happened to be her AP U.S. History homework, and was prepared/anticipating a play by play.

"Well, we went to the fair and had a great time." She raises her eyebrows as if to say 'go on'. "Specifics?"

I avert my attention to my half eaten granola bar and begin fumbling with the wrapper. "He may have won me a teddy bear."

"Awe, that's so romantic!" She squeals.

I shrug as if it's nothing but can't help the smile that slips onto my face. "I guess." She looks at me incredulously and snatches my meager attempt at breakfast. "Hey, I wasn't done with that!" She winks and takes a bite. "You are honestly so lucky Amelia." She says after after swallowing the bite. "Like if a guy ever won me a teddy bear at the fair...." She leans back in her chair and sighs. "I think I might just die."

I grin and snatch back my breakfast. "Let's hope for your sake you never find someone who will then." She's about to object when the bell for first period rings. "We are so not done with this conversation." She says while hurrying to collect her things. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

She smiles wildly and gives me a quick hug. "You know you love me." I smile and hug her back, her vanilla perfume engulfing me. "That I do."

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"Amelia, a word." I frown as I set my books on my desk and head back out to the hallway. There my Calculus teacher is standing with a scowl and a paper with my name on it. "Do you know what this is?" She thrusts the paper in my face where it has a big F on it circled in red pen.

"A failing grade." She finishes for me. My frown deepens as I take the paper from her and look it over. "I thought I did good on this test."

"Well you thought wrong kid. I suggest you stay after for tutoring." I nod absent mindedly and fold the paper in half. "Yeah, definitely." She seems pleased with this answer so I take it as a sign of dismissal and begin walking away. "Oh and Amelia? Try not to miss too much class, once you're behind it can be hard to catch up." I nod again, shocked at her sudden burst of consideration, and gratefully retreat back to my seat.

I tried to pay extra attention during the lesson and must have taken at least two pages of notes by the time class was over. It didn't help having to play catch up with yesterday's lesson, but luckily I didn't seem to miss too much.

"Oh my gosh Emery it was terrible. I got a fifty three!" I say on the walk to second period. She whistles under her breath. "Dang Amy, I knew you weren't good with numbers but a fifty three?" I sigh. "I know, I know. I think I'm going to have to stay after for tutoring." She agrees and swaps books at her locker, our usual routine in the mornings.

"I think it's best, I mean you don't want to get too far behind before finals roll around." I lean against the locker next to hers and let my head fall back. "Ugh please don't bring those up, I don't think I'm mentally prepared to take them yet. Or you know, ever." She smirks and clips her lock back into place. The minute she's done with her locker I begin taking quick steps in order to make up the locker time and get to class before the tardy bell rings. She hurries behind, her long legs easily keeping up with my quick pace.

"Maybe what you need is a hot tutor, not Grumpy Ms. Granger. Someone like...." She trails off. "Someone like Oliver! He's good at math right?" I frown and quickly swerve around a couple making out. "Not sure...I haven't really gotten to know him all that well yet. We're getting there though."

She nods, seeming unimpressed. "It's been like what three days? Four? If you don't know him that well, how are you even sure you have feelings for him?"

"Well because-" I stop realizing she's right. How do I know I like him, if I don't know what it is I like about him? "Oh my gosh Emery...."

"Mhmm." She gives me a sympathetic look as we cross over the threshold into the English classroom. "It's alright though, you have time to figure it out." I mumble something under my breath about stupid crushes and get out my English binder.

Exactly five minutes later Mr. Frankfort rushes in, late as usual, carrying a thick stack of papers. "Sorry I'm late class. I just got back from the copier. There was this really long line and then it got jammed and...." He stops talking and takes a deep breath. "Well it doesn't really matter now, all that matters is I managed to get these." He waves the papers in the air for the class to see.

"What are they?" Someone in the back asks. He smiles and begins passing them out. "They are a poem a classmate of yours wrote a couple of days back. It was such a good example of what I was looking for that I decided to share it with the rest of you. Hope you don't mind Ms. Jefferson."

My head snaps up at the sound of my last name. "W-what?" He smiles and lays a copy of the paper on my desk. "Your poem. 'Unconfident' I think it was? It was great!" I feel my stomach drop as I see the poem I wrote about Oliver sitting on my desk.

"This isn't the poem I turned in..."

"I'm sorry?" He asks as he hands the last paper out to no other then Kimberly. She smirks and pops her gum. "Nothing." He smiles and walks over to his desk where the original copy lies. "It wasn't in the best condition but....anyways. I was actually hoping you could read it for us?"

If it's possible I felt my stomach sink even lower and heard my rapid heartbeat speed up even faster. "S-sure no problem...." With shaky legs I stand up and head to the front of the class. Everyone is staring at me intently, the boredom wiped from their face at the promise of public humiliation. I happen to catch Emery's eye and see her give me a sympathetic thumbs up.

I take a deep breath to try to control my anxiety and read the first line.

Eyes like caramel Personality just as sweet

My voice trembles but I ignore it and read the next line.

Your the boy I'd always hoped I meet

You showed me your kindness in more ways then just one

Another pause to breathe.

You helped pick me up when I just felt done

Bullies will be bullies with their words so unkind

My hands start shaking and all I can do is hope no one else notices.

But you were my savoir helping me to rewind

To pretend like they were never there

You helped me see, you helped me care

About myself and not their thoughts

The shaking is bad now so I put the paper down and read the last line from memory.

When I'm with you, unconfident I am not

A round of applause goes around the room, with Kimberly and Mr. Frankfort clapping the loudest. I manage a small smile of appreciation as I hand him the original copy and sit back in my set. "That was great Amy!" Emery gushes the moment I'm in her proximity.

"It was part of a plan is what it was." She frowns, looking confused, but can't say much more as Mr. Frankfort begins going on about different types of poem styles and how to write them. It's all I can do to sit quietly in my seat and not run out the classroom crying.