I Am My Own Bully

Yes, it's true. I bully myself but, not in the way that you think. I don't cut myself or harm myself in any way that makes me weak. It's not physical bullying. It's mentally. I mentally bully myself in a way that makes me reek of low self-esteem.

I hold in my emotion. If someone makes me very upset, I hold onto it and let it out later. Once a certain amount of things that upset me, pushes me to that point to where I'm on edge, I hurt myself mentally because I never let that one situation go. Constantly building like water behind a dam. One more drop of water a.k.a any emotion, the dam will crack.

I let everything defeat me, not only hurting myself, but others, too. Like my best friend since Pre-K. She was almost in tears after listening to what I do to myself. She talked to me, telling me that I'm not alone and that I'm not a mistake. She said "God doesn't make mistakes!" then hugged me.  Holding things isn't the only thing that I bully myself with... But, that's not all I do.

I down and belittle myself because I Think everyone is better than me. I Think that no one likes me because no one talks to me. I Think I'm not approachable and I am, I'm just to blind to notice what's there. I use to Think that just because guys would comment other girls that I'm not pretty enough. I'm Afraid to show my true self because I Think people will talk about me negatively. I Stress too much and I Think too much. I'm not on my game. I need to do my homework when I'm suppose to and to stop doing things last minute. I need to stop being lazy. I need to get it together.

Why do I do these things, I don't know. I honestly don't know.