Roommates (Camren)

Chapter 8

"Camz," Lauren began, her voice small and vulnerable. "Can we talk?"

Camila's heart melted at her soft, almost pleading tone. But at the same time she felt the cold stab of fear in the pit of her stomach. Those three words carried a lot of weight, much more than their casual relationship had endured up to this point, and the only thing Camila could think was, Oh god this is it. She knew she was going to end it.

The smaller girl fought to keep herself together as she nodded and timidly sat on the couch next to Lauren, not able to look in her eyes. She tried to steel herself against the rejection she knew was coming, internally practicing her response that would sound as nonchalant and casual as possible. Of course, Lauren was thinking the same thing.

Lauren took a shaky breath next to her and Camila was surprised to find her fiddling her fingers, seemingly trying to come up with the right words to say. At least she was trying to find the best way to soften the blow. Camila was about to start the process herself when Lauren cautiously took her hand in her own, her eyes still downcast

"I know that we've never really talked about what's going on between us," she began, her voice soft and wavering slightly. "And I know that's mostly my fault."

That was more honest than Camila was expecting, but she was too concentrated on controlling her breathing and not thinking about how cute a nervous Lauren was to really analyze her words.

"I want to apologize for the way I've treated you," Lauren said more surely, meeting Camila's doe-eyed stare. "It was unfair of me to shut you out and then expect you to be with me so intimately."

Her gaze faltered and she looked a little ashamed of herself. Camila immediately wanted to apologize for the way she treated Lauren too, but she could barely believe she was talking about this so she stayed silent and waited for her to continue.

"Once we crossed that line I knew it would hard to be just friends again. I was scared that if we talked about it we would just realize how ridiculous the whole situation was." Camila winced a little at that.

"But I really can't avoid it anymore because... I feel like there might be..." Lauren took a long breath and scrunched her nose, trying to find the right words. "Deeper feelings involved."

Camila's heart rate spiked and her face burned in embarrassment.

So, Lauren had figured out how Camila felt about her. And now she wanted to end their little 'experiment'.

The thought that Lauren was disgusted with her made her want to crawl under a rock and be sick. Tears pricked behind her eyes but she willed them back, refusing to let Lauren know that she was about to break her heart.

But Lauren didn't look disgusted at all as she stroked Camila's hand with her thumb, unable to meet her eyes. Camila realized that her hands her shaking slightly and her palms were just as clammy as her own. At least this wasn't easy for Lauren either.

Even so, the anticipation was killing her and Camila wished she would just get it over with. Lauren took a deep breath and Camila held her own, her heart beating in her ears.

"I don't want to just hook up anymore, Camz."

Camila knew it was coming but the words still punched her in the stomach. She forgot every dismissive line she just practiced in her head as the tears started bubbling up and- wait, just hook up? Camila's brow furrowed in confusion and Lauren met her eyes, her gaze still laced with insecurity.

"I want more than that," Lauren admitted, her words clearly sincere even as her voice shook. "I can't ignore my feelings for you anymore."

Camila eyes bugged out of her head and she couldn't even breathe as Lauren spoke. She was sure she was having an out of body experience. Lauren's eyes darted between Camila's, looking for any sign that she understood.