in Light of Things (completed)

9. It's Okay to be Gay, But.

I take a look in the mirror again, body covered by a silk duvet. Why am I here? I stare at the popcorn ceiling for too long. Why am I here? Wait.

Somethings different.

I glance at the ceiling again, what's different? I feel my body, stopping to squeeze the pudginess around my midsection. I feel the same on the outside. Something is different.

I had sex with a girl I met yesterday. Shit, am I a slut? Nah, can't be. Easy, maybe, but not a slut. Glancing over at my reflection once more, I notice my hair is an absolute mess. Should I go downstairs? Is that where this college kid went?

My head is flooded with a memory. I'm still dressed, but carrying a bottle of a light brown liquid.

"I, uh, I think I should go back downstairs, Nadya."

"You think too much, come here."

"Nady...don't."

"Not doing anything, yet."

Running my hands through my hair to try and detangle it, I catch a glimpse of outside. There's little blue cups every where. Shrugging, I slip into my underwear and sweats, hand on the wall to keep me steady. Then my shirt, where'd my shirt go? I turn around quickly, forgetting about the balance and coordination issue. In short, I trip and fall. "Fuck."

"So, what's your crush like?"

"Don't want to talk about her."

"Come on what's the worst I'm gunna do, go to your school, find her and tell her what she's missing out on? Come on, tell me."

"Yeah, come on tell us, Rémy."

"Zip it, Jan."

"Well...she's the kind of girl that won't watch Netflix without eating Pistachio ice cream."

"Love that kind."

"Shut up, Jan. Rémy, she sounds adorable."

"She is."

When did that happen? I play the scene over again in my head, the girls were all sitting on the floor, I was laying down. Why was I laying down? We were still in the living room, so it must've been before everyone else got there.

"It's okay to be gay, y'know." Jen's voice rings through my ears, I told them I thought I was gay, complete strangers. Except for Rachel, I only knew them for a night and admitted to them I felt like I was...am lesbian? Gay? Which is the right word? For Pete's sake, I don't even know how to be gay.

There was a loud commotion downstairs, someone was yelling. Well, several people. I glance around the room, gnawing at my lower lip. My shirt is next to the door that leads to the hallway, now where is my crew neck?

"I've been told something about you."

"Wh-what?"

"You've never been...touched."

"Yeah, and?"

"I love cherries, can I have yours?"

Cherries. My stomach growls loudly, time to go home and binge. I frown while pulling open the door, the voices get louder. Two voices are slurred, one rather clear. A familiar clear. A familiar voice in general. My feet take me further down the hallway, and to the foyer.