There is a small void I feel.
It wants to pull me into a deep darkness,
Back to where I was; it calls me.
It pleads with me.
It tells me it won’t ever leave me.
It will stay with me and hold me close,
Give me kisses and love me.
We could be in the darkness together, In a great depression
Its words surround me and warm me.
I feel no pain when it speaks. It tempts me.
I would have my own life to do as I please.
No fights, no grips, no rules, just us.
It tells me it will take care of me.
But what it doesn’t tell me is that it will only be me.
It doesn’t tell me that the pain I lost will be replaced by self inflection.
That it will undoubtedly take me to a lesser being.
I will not strive to be better.
I will not find a better place.
It doesn’t tell me I will lose hope for myself.
It doesn’t tell me it will hide the beauty of the world.
And when it does allow me to enjoy a little piece,
It will crush me down further into the darkness.
It will play mind games to make me feel as if I deserve this.
And when a friend or love one tries to help, I won’t believe them.
I can’t accept their comfort; I will feel guilt and betrayal.
Because it tells me not too
It will manipulate me into feeling safe,
But when it does, it takes me hostage in it's dungeon.
It paints pictures of love and compassion and sharing hope,
But what it’s hiding behind those depictions are bars.
Bars and cold floors with no blankets
Cold and heartless it is
It tells me it will hold me, but it doesn’t tell me it will hold me captive
It tells me it will love me, but it doesn’t tell me it will love to see me tear myself apart
