Gone but not forgotten

Chapter 1: one Year later *Dylan's POV*

June 21st, 2015
(Dylan Writes in his journal)

"Today makes exactly one year since Emily passed away. I'm barely making it through the day. Even though it's been a year it seems as if it was just yesterday I was holding her in my arms singing her favorite song to her. Worldwide by some small time boy band BTR. I haven't stopped listening to it since the incident last year. It's really hard to believe that she's actually gone and just a week before her birthday. June 28th Emily would be turning 18. Should be... She was the love of my life and it's my fault she's gone, I don't know how I can live with myself. If I had just stayed home instead of making her go then she would still be here. Everyday it tears me apart knowing its my fault. It should've been me....."

As I sat in my room listening to her favorite song looking at old photos of us as we grew up I heard a knock at my bedroom door. Not even a second later my mom walks into my room with a concerned look on her face. Are you Alright? she asks me quietly. I wiped the tears from my burning red eyes and replied, I'm fine, now if u don't mind I would like some privacy. My mother looked at me with nothing but care in her eyes and says "alright but if you need anything I'm always here". Thanks I say as I get up from my desk and close the door behind her. I've never been good with showing emotions to anyone but Emily........Emily..... The name played over and over in my head like a broken record as more tears came rolling down my face bringing back my worst memories. Over the last year I've had many moments where I gave up on life and almost ended my own.

(FLASHBACK)

        The day after her funeral ( July 2nd, 2014) I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital on suicide watch. I had a loaded pistol In my desk drawer and my little sister Mackenzie walked in my room 5 seconds after I had it pointed to my temple, ready to end it all. She smacked it out my hand and screamed my parents. My dad had to try his hardest to restrain me because the only thought going through my head was that I didn't deserve to live. I tried to reach out for the gun but my sister kicked it away from me. My mom called the ambulance while crying her eyes out as my dad held me back. My sister crying hysterically  and screaming begging me to stop and asking me why. She was only 15, she shouldn't have to see me like that. they had me heavily medicated for almost 6 months. I missed her 16th birthday because I was put away in a mental institute. Believe me when I tell you, I regret that more than ever.

        I Finally decided to come out my room for the first time today and spend time with my family. As I walked into the living room my dad looked up at me from the couch and asked how I was holding up. I told him I was fine and grabbed a drink. I sat by him and he playfully punched my arm and asked "Did you catch the game last night? It was crazy!" then he laughed nervously trying to get my mind off what day it was. I sat quietly looking at my phone until I got up and went to go and check the mail to break the awkwardly silent tension in the room. The moment I stepped outside I instantly felt worse. Emily's mom Eliza lives right next door and she was sitting on her front porch with tears pouring down her face. I probably shouldn't have but I walked over to her and said "Hi, Mrs. Morgan" as I choked on my words. She looked up, wiping her face and silently said "oh. Hello Dylan, How are you holding up?" I told her I was going to ask the same thing but I'm barely making it. She replied "same" and looked down. She stood up and hugged me with a tight grip. I began tearing up again then apologized again because it was all my fault and she looked at me with a serious yet depressed look in her eyes. She said " Listen Dylan and hear me loud and clear. It wasn't your fault. The roads were unclear and it could've happened to anyone. don't blame yourself for something that wasn't your fault. Now promise me you will stop blaming yourself for this because it will just make you worse. Would Emily want you blaming yourself for an accident that no one had any control of? NO. So don't." I nodded and said alright ill try for you...and for Emily..  She shot me a slight smile and headed back inside and I stood there for a second trying to get my shit together before I get badgered with questions by my entire family wondering why my eyes are wet. I know Emily wouldn't want me moping around all day feeling like shit, making my family worry again and upsetting people.

      I walked in my house with the brightest unnoticeably fake smile I've ever made and sat on my sister on the chair. She jokingly said "Ew get your butt off me" and pushed me off her. I started laughing and I saw a smile on my parents face. Faking happy is harder then I thought but I have to do it. I threw a couch pillow at her and called her a dork and she jumped on my back. I looked back at her then smiled and asked her if she wanted to go outside and play soccer and she said "sure! RACE YOU OUTSIDE!" My moms smile was the most important thing to me at the moment. I ran out after my sister with the soccer ball and closed the door behind me. When we got outside there was a car pulling into the driveway next door. When the car stopped a short female got out of the driver seat. It was really bright outside so I placed my hand on my forehead, blocking the sun from my eyes. My sister kicked the soccer ball and it hit me in my dick. I held myself and dropped to the floor. I heard my sister laughing and the person getting out of the car ran over to me to see if I was alright. I laid there in fetal position still holding myself when I look up and saw the female from the car. I didn't recognize her but then I heard Dylan....Dylan Thomas? Is it really you? I opened my eyes for a minute still feeling the intense pain shooting through me as my sister just stood there cackling like a witch. Eventually she grabbed the ball and went inside leaving me on the lawn with a stranger.

      The pain started to fade and I sat up looking into the face of the 5 foot 4,  blonde stranger. That's when I recognized her. I'll be a son of a bitch...it was Isabell Chandler. Isabella and I have been like best friends since 6th grade but she moved in 9th grade when I was a scrawny little tooth pick and I haven't heard from her since she left. She looked different but you can always recognize her. She changed most of her appearance. In school she was the nerdy little brunette girl who wore a bright colored head band, braces, a high pony tail, glasses and had the biggest heart but now she had long blonde hair, the glasses and braces were gone and and she had on a formal business like dress but you could still see in her eyes that it was the same old Isabella. I looked at her said, Isabella? With a slightly questioning voice. Her eyes lit up and she pulled me in for a hug. It was the most comforting thing I've felt since before the accident... She put out her hand and helped me up and said, "yep it's me the one and only Isabella Chandler of 34 sunset drive, Southern Valley California." Then she laughed and looked me up and down. I looked at her and laughed along too and said Wow you've really grown up Dylan. I just laughed and said yeah, 4 years will do that to you.