I sometimes envy you. You may ask me why but I cannot say the reason directly. It is hard for me to tell the explanation about me being envious. Let’s just say that sometimes even though we love a certain person we cannot truly promise that we would never hurt that person. That sometimes we say things that might hurt that person even its intentional or not. We force a person to be perfect even though we know that we ourselves are not perfect. I have flaws. I commit mistakes. I am an imperfect person. I sometimes wish to rewind time, to correct my mistakes. But I know that it wouldn’t be possible. It’s been like this for 18 years and still I’m over pressured by almost every single person that I meet. People expect me to be good. They expect me to behave and be on top of everything. They never realize that I’m just like them. I feel like I am in a cage. I’m so frustrated. Some of you might get what I am saying and might also be in the same situation. I’m torn between giving up and not. I know this dilemma compared to others might be just undersized like their problems. But I must make a clean breast that I am weak. I might break down sooner or later. I might kill myself. But of course I wouldn’t do that. I might be stupid but I don’t have the power and strength to kill myself. I just have one wish. I wish that my love ones can understand me fully.
